Yep, dumped a friend of 8 years who was like that several years ago.
She was the most codependent, meddling, gossipy, manipulative woman I have ever known. But very good at hiding behind a saintly self image that masked her true nature.
In truth she was a very sad person who had really low self esteem and needed to make herself indispensable to others for her own desperate need to be needed.
She would start talking about people before they even got to their cars in her driveway, after being so sweet to their faces just minutes before.
She shamelessly meddled in her adult kids lives, talking about them to each other and causing rifts amongst the kids, thrived on gossip, made up stories based on her “feeeeelings” instead of fact, was an attention whore, and highly manipulative, in subtle but unmistakeable ways.
I had seen glimpses of her issues and kept my distance for a long time but it finally got to the point where I had to let her go.
If you educate yourself on the nature and red flags of manipulative people it helps because you have a reference point for their common behaviors.
Don’t waste your time trying to talk to these types, they are incapable of honestly evaluating their behaviors and everything will be taken offensively and they will attempt to shift the blame on you, for daring to call them out on their crap.
Most likely your guy is a raging narcissist, and this is another must educate yourself topic.
I divorced a narcissist some years ago too. Again, do not expect any understanding of your feelings, needs, wants…they are all about themselves and have zero capacity to take any responsibility or self reflect. If you leave them you are the crazy, evil bitch. lol