@Headhurts No need to get defensive, it was simply an observation. You hadn’t responded to anything else I said – why would I think you’d respond to that? And one doesn’t need to look in the mirror and think about how hot they are in order to have a positive self-image. I certainly don’t.
17 years of counseling and you still feel the way you do about yourself. Has the counseling done anything for you at all? Maybe the problem is that you don’t want to change.
You’re completely dependent on this guy. You said yourself that you wouldn’t even get out of bed without him. That’s so unhealthy, and you seem to be in this mindset that this is just how you are, so why try to change it? It’s just really sad.
My guess is that your boyfriend knows way more about your insecurities, jealousy, and dependence on him than you think, and I wonder how he actually feels about it.