I’ve considered it in my head, the same way you might consider what would happen if you just drove in one direction and started a new life, or considered the ramifications of committing suicide. Things weren’t always great in the short term, but I definitely like my life better with her.
I haven’t brought it up between us since we’ve been married. It was discussed a few times just before we got married, when we first moved in together, and the 400 sq. ft. apartment forced us both to compromise a lot both physically and socially. We had a similar discussion to @Judi and that made it clear to both of us that it wasn’t something to be threatened with.
I guess you could say we’re stronger because of that, but really it just pointed out that everyone wanted to be in the relationship, and we could stop looking for evidence to the contrary. Once your assumption is that you’ll always be together, I think it takes more to shake that. You build everything with that person involved and it’s harder to shut them out.
We never get back to that discussion because that first mental step is a doozy.
If I had a pearl of wisdom to share I think it would just be to tell that person you believe in who they are and who they can be. Mean it. You’re with them for a reason. Tell them you need the same support from them. Make each other better together than you can be separately.
There might be times where you’re not 100% sure they’re on the right path, and the instinct is to tell them you won’t stand for being drug along. I think the wiser step, if you can manage it, is to discuss their plans/dreams/path with them and ask where you fit in. It’s a lot easier to steer before everyone starts slamming on the brakes, grabbing the wheel, and getting defensive.
My wife taught me that, without ever saying it, after watching her listen to all my crazy ideas, support them, and then bring in the other parts of our life we’d need to fit in.