@Cupcake That makes sense. I think you made the best decision.
I don’t know how often it happens, but it happens quite a bit if I go by personal experience. Although, men not paying when they are never denied time with their kids also happens a lot too. There are so many scenerios. My girlfriend’s ex fought for full custody for sure because of the money. But, there is a back story. At first they had agreed she would have custody the majority of the time and he agreed to pay child support. They did it with one lawyer and mutually agreed to everything. Her alcoholism got really out of control, and he sued for total custody. He got and the court imposed only supervised visitation. As soon as supervised visitation was lifted he let the kids be with her 95% of the time, but he still has custody and still doesn’t pay any child support. Well, he does pay for things for his kids, he is not a total deadbeat, but there is no order for him to pay money to his ex.
I know a man who allowed his ex to move out of state with his child, but he wants to be with his child, and the exwife is not very cooperative. He pays child support, a lot because she has custody, and resents paying so much and not having more time with his child.
My SIL moved back to America when she left her husband and brought her kids with her. Her exhusband was understandably angry and upset. He does get to see his kids on holidays and during the summer he wasn’t always great at keeping up with his child support, but he does spend money on them.
Those situations where the children do not live close to their father I think are especially difficult for dads. Sometimes they moved away for work, sometimes their exwives moved.
In the case of unmarried couples it is a little different I think. Probably more likely the men are deadbeats, but it happens in marriages also, and there are plenty of men who weren’t married at the time of the birth who want to be involved, but if the child doesn’t live with him from the getgo I think it makes a difference on how the situation progresses.