Egge is right. You need to perhaps talk your way through this past to relieve your depression. That's why the 12-step programs are so important. You'll find a lot of people with whom you can talk freely and who will understand your depression and feelings. That's also why having a sponsor can be so helpful! You will have someone to call when you feel the depression coming on. A good psychologist or counselor can also be very helpful! Additionally, it may be that some other psychological problem could be adding to your depression. In fact, in my case, I discovered in college that an un-diagnosed case of bi-polar disorder and ADD, from which I had suffered since childhood, could be self-treated with alcohol! After nearly 15 years, I realized that I was, indeed, an alcoholic! I have been a recovering alcoholic for 22 years now. That blasted depression can be treated! Life can be good! Please get yourself some help!