I don’t mind The Godfather as a hook, being a little controversial isn’t a bad thing if you explain how it ties in with your point. I don’t know if that connection was made very strongly here. I understand this was meant to tie it together
That’s what content marketing is all about.
I believe this is just too generic to really hook anyone into your premise. It almost needs to be a surprise, or even something simple along the lines of
Vito would have made a great content marketer (or retailer) in today’s world. He understood you need to give a little to gather someone’s attention and loyalty. Then, if your goals align, they will return the favor.
That’s a quickie. You can do better.
Other thoughts
- You probably shouldn’t start a new paragraph after every sentence. Short paragraphs are easily digestible but a new paragraph is generally perceived as a new thought. If your thoughts are jumping around that quickly you can either split the article into several so you can dive a bit deeper, or simplify. You can of course break the convention, but it should be intentional and for effect.
– You have good ideas, and good examples to show your points for the most part. My one suggestion would be to use examples close to your target market. Find companies they are familiar with and admire.
– The writing just doesn’t feel like it’s there yet. The informal tone is good, but it doesn’t feel concise and tight. Some well known marketing experts (Seth Godin comes to mind) don’t pull any punches and their tone is informal, but their online writing promises not to waste any of your time. If a sentence has made it in there, it’s intentional and serves a purpose.
The thoughts and ideas are there, just clarify and simplify where you can. Keep working it until it feels polished.
Good luck with your business, I hope it’s everything you want it to be.