Family is important to me for a few reasons. One, they are the people who usually are there for you when things suck. It doesn’t mean your whole extended family will be there to help, or able to help, but if you hit a really bad bump in your life, usually family will take you in, or float you the loan, or whatever temporary measure you need to get you through. That is less true with friends in my opinion, or friends will have a shorter time span they will inconvenience themselves for you. Friends can be fantastic at giving emotional support, but I think the real nitty gritty family is who feels obligated to make sure you are not out on the street, or not losing everything.
Family can give you unconditional love. I definitely got this from my parents, my aunt, I had it with my grandmother before she died. A sibling is the longest relatinship you have in your life, barring a sib dying unexpectadly young. They know what it was like to be a kid in your family, and they know you well. Just the length of the relationship is important I think. But, some sibs don’t get along, they can be very different people. With inlaws it’s more tricky. It can be great, or it can be not so great.
The situation you describe doesn’t really have to do with what I talk about in my first paragraph though, because that is separate type of issue. I usually would not dig my heals in to be right to the point that you can feel the tension in the air. Once I decide the person is a pain in the ass, which would come after me really trying to be social and nice to them to warm them up, I would eventually decide they don’t deserve my caring and concern, and they would become less important and I would lose trust in them. At that point I am free to smile and say hello, and that’s it, and they stop getting to me so to speak. As long as we stay angry they have power over us. Being indifferent they hold zero control.
@Judi I like your answer about saving face. I do similar things, try to release someone from the crap they put out there. My husband doesn’t really understand it. His family is horrible about clearing the air though, and they love thinking someone else did something awful. He isn’t like them in that way, he is usually very forgiving and they are not, but he doesn’t to help someone else be comfortable again. I don’t think I explained it well.