@imrainmaker Sometimes my girlfriend sticks her finger into me before I’m ready. I say “not yet,” and she pulls out and we move on. I don’t think that’s rape, but it’s definitely unwanted penetration. So I still think it takes more.
I don’t want to say that rape can only come after an explicit “no.” That’s obviously not true (someone who is passed out can’t say anything, but it’s still rape). But I don’t think we can say “any unwanted penetration” is rape either.
I think it has to be more about having disregard for consent. If the strap-on slips and goes into the wrong hole, that’s an accident. But if I go for it on purpose and don’t even care what she wants, now we’re getting into shady territory.
Ultimately, I think it’s bad to have a reductive definition of rape. If we want something that can be applied in the real world, we’re going to have to take account of how relationships actually work and the differences between different types of relationships (long-term relationships, fuck buddies, one night stands).
Implicit consent is a real tripwire, and I get why it riles people up. The whole “she wanted it” thing has been horribly abused. But one reason it works is because we all know there really is such a thing as implicit consent, and an argument that operates on the premise that there is no such thing is never going to make progress. Even if we take male fear out of the equation, there are too many women who know they have had consensual sex without ever uttering a word.