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Hypocrisy_Central's avatar

[Fluff time] Do women want to be pursued more than men in matters of relationship, the other way around, or closer to 50/50?

Asked by Hypocrisy_Central (26879points) December 11th, 2016
17 responses
“Great Question” (0points)

On another thread, can’t even remember what it was about, but something stood out (imagine that) about guys do not like to be pursued or wanting to do the pursuing. I guess that might have been the norm before the 60s, but I met guys (usually those who one would call pretty boys whom women pursue on QP) who prefer the women come seeking them and vying their attention, then they are in the driver’s seat, so-to-speak, they can accept or reject who comes and they have nothing to do but wait until the women show up. Some are not pretty boys or hunks but rather homely guys who would rather a woman show interest before they do and thus be flamed by her as a Sopwith Camel would by a Pfalz D.III over the fields of Arras in WWI. I have met women who even though they liked a guy they felt he should make the 1st move if he was really that interested. What say you; women want to do the pursuing more, the men more than the women, or these days about equal for both?

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Answers

Cruiser's avatar

Men need to step up and be the man here as real ladies/women simply want to feel wanted, respected, cared for, protected and safe. Pretty straight forward formula to the start of any relationship with the fairer sex.

ARE_you_kidding_me's avatar

Ladies almost always make the first move but it’s more of a subtle cue be it a look, glance or acknowlegement. As far as guys enjoying the chase I don’t find this to be the case at all. It’s the ladies who seem to enjoy being chased. I have always felt like the chase was coerced. More often than not when that was the game the girl was playing I simply let it go. I found those not playing that way to be more honest and a better match for me.

elbanditoroso's avatar

The hilarious thing to me is seeing males answer questions about how women think

ARE_you_kidding_me's avatar

It’s not actually that hard. Not anymore than women know what we think. Nobody would ever get laid were this not the case. Difference is many males do not catch on until they are well into adulthood. This is when their 2nd brain is somewhat muted or at least put on a leash. I can tell you for certain as a guy “the chase” is something I find quite annoying.

Mariah's avatar

I think in this day and age a lot of men are tired of having to make the first move and a lot of women are tired of unwanted advances, so I’d actually say right now men want to be pursued more.

ARE_you_kidding_me's avatar

^^I would say this is correct.

Berserker's avatar

Some are not pretty boys or hunks but rather homely guys who would rather a woman show interest before they do and thus be flamed by her as a Sopwith Camel would by a Pfalz D.III over the fields of Arras in WWI.

Hahaha everytime I go in one of your questions to answer it, I read the details and always find something weird lol. Man you’re awesome. :D

Also I don’t know. Dating and coupling just kind of happens, it’s never like in movies and such. Personally for me I would rather someone make the first move because I’m too shy and insecure to break the ice. I’m also not interested in relationships so I guess this is sort of moot.

olivier5's avatar

What @Mariah said.

elbanditoroso's avatar

To build on @Mariah ‘s comment, if a woman doesn’t have the gumption / self-confidence / spine to make a first move, she’s probably not a woman that would be interesting anyway.

MrGrimm888's avatar

Yes. The “chase” feels more like a joke that I’m the focus of. Like pulling a $100 bill on a fishing line and every time someone gets close its pulled away.

The “game” seems to be a sadistic pleasure for some women. In fact, women seem quite pleased toying with men’s emotions in general….

I get approached a lot. Usually when I’m bouncing. I almost always turn down the girls because I don’t like “bar girls.” But when I give in to them , they seem to lose interest. As if they only want something because it’s unobtainable…

I’ve said it before. Man will have conquered space and time long before understanding women…

olivier5's avatar

@MrGrimm888 But when I give in to them , they seem to lose interest

Just like most men want a girl until they have her, and then they lose interest and start chasing the next one. It’s human nature. Nothing mysterious there.

MrGrimm888's avatar

^I don’t work that way. But I don’t consider myself normal. Maybe you’re right.

olivier5's avatar

Maybe you’re sentimental. That’s okay. That’s good even. But many people aren’t. Often, they want something or somebody just because their friends want it/him/her too.

Girl 1: oh this bouncer is so hunky, he could do me wheneverrrrrr.

Girl 2: watch me.

MrGrimm888's avatar

^Yeah. The bar girls mostly like me because they think it will benefit them. They’re SO transparent, and self centered.

Because of my appearance, I’ve been targeted by many women attempting to get out of abusive relationships too . They try and pit me against their abusers. But they don’t care about me. So, I have to be wary of deception always. That reality, plus my life experiences makes it hard for me to trust women.

Women are bold were I live though. They won’t think twice about grabbing my crotch. Unfortunately, even if I was attracted to a girl, I’m not after a hello crotch grab…

I often look for “nerdy” girls. Ones who don’t seem like they go to bars much. I just got dissed by a girl who was a teacher. I liked that she was a teacher. Turned out, it didn’t get far.

I mention her because of thread relevance.

She was a “local” who came to my music venue once a week. I eventually worked up the courage to ask her out. She gave me her number. We talked for a couple weeks, then she just met a better guy I guess… She was nice enough to bring him to my bar and kiss him in front of me.

I told her to lose my number.

My opinion (though who knows) is that she was only nice to me because I could get her and her friends in for free… But she flirted with,and approached me plenty before I gave her the time of day. Once I reciprocated, she eventually seemed to lose interest, even though we hadn’t really gotten to know each other yet.

She hurt my feelings. But I still let her in for free. I just cold shoulder her. Nobody likes rejection. But I won’t punish her for it… I want her to be happy…

Hypocrisy_Central's avatar

Just like most men want a girl until they have her, and then they lose interest and start chasing the next one.
In my experience, those are the hunks and pretty boys, the nerdy guys, or the semi homely ones are ay more appreciative to have a nice gal that they do not want to mess it up. The hunky guy treats the woman like a postage stamp; ”lick’em, stick’em, and send them on their way” as one guy put it, or as another guy put it, ”after you ride her hard and put her away wet, you try to sneak out before she ask you to call her”. If all you wanted was to boink her, once it is done, what else is there?

olivier5's avatar

@Hypo In my experience, those are the hunks and pretty boys, the nerdy guys, or the semi homely ones are ay more appreciative to have a nice gal that they do not want to mess it up.

Yes, there might be some correlation with looks (for women as well) but it’s really about whether someone is looking for sex or looking for love.

Then sometimes, we look for sex and we find love, and vice versa.

Reminds me of that funny and beautiful movie: Crazy Stupid Love with Steve Carell.

MrGrimm888's avatar

^People have different motivation for EVERYTHING they do.

Our idiosyncrasies are what set us apart, and sometimes bond us…

Grey world it turns out…...

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