^^^ “I’d rather have my birthday to do what I want.”
That’s your answer to the OP’s question – you want to celebrate your birthday, but by doing what you’d like to do, and with the people of your choosing. Your MIL’s draconian rules are ruining birthdays for your entire family. Sadly, she really throws all those parties for herself, not for the guests-of-(so-called) honor.
This is a tough one, and it happens in so many families, workplaces, and groups of friends. MIL would be devastated by a rebellion, so nobody’s willing to speak up.