Apparently his method of managing disputes is to refuse to engage. If this is his coping mechanism with abusive parents, you can bet he’s well entrenched and tougher at resistance than you will ever be at pulling him out of it. Nagging him will get you nowhere. He has the perfect defense. He needs professional counseling.

I was him for a bit. Except I was sick and fucking tired of it all I got a bus to San Diego 1600 miles away with no money when I got there.

My advice is give him the option of distance. Make it be known that all contact must be initiated through him when he is ready. There is a reason I don’t keep sticking my cock into the wasp nest. I let them come to me.

And most importantly. Why put up with shit when there is a dude out there that is normal? Relationships do not have to be constant drama.

Four years is a long time. If there is no improvement in relations it may be best to cut your losses and end it. A difficult decision. You say he is abused by his parents. Do you mean he was abused as a child? If so he may require specialised counselling to get over it. It might be the root cause of his behaviour.

How old are you guys?

If he’s truly abused by his parents, you are dealing with a damaged person who probably needs therapy. With a friend or girlfriend, he’s probably looking for a safe harbor, someone who makes him forget all that bad stuff.

Don’t push or argue and just have fun, be there when he wants to talk and respect his privacy. It could be worse than you know. If you have a problem with him or his behavior, have a calm rational conversation and tell him ‘when you do _____, it makes me feel _____’. He may not have the communication skills and tools that you do.

Now is the time to leave. You have already invested 4 years in a relationship that is not working. Don’t spend any more time trying to fix this one. It seems pretty apparent that this fellow is not even really in the relationship anymore, anyway, for whatever reason.

It will hurt in the short run, but in the long run, it’s better for you to leave now, and then spend some quality time with yourself. Enjoy your alone time, and spend time with other people who actually like you, and treat you kindly. Now is also not the time to try to get into another relationship. Give yourself 6 months to a year, to even think about getting into another relationship. Work on yourself, and your own self esteem, learn what makes you unique. Pursue activities that are enjoyable and important to you, and do some things that you’ve been putting off because you were putting your boyfriend first.

If you think or know that your boyfriend is being abused by his parents, tell him that he should speak to his school counselors and let them know what is going on. They are in a position to help him get out of that situation. You aren’t. If you think he could be physically hurt, you owe it to him to speak to your parents (and/or your own school counselor) to let them know that this fellow needs help.

You don’t need to be in this relationship and it is clearly time to leave. If you think you can fix it, you can’t. Get out!