@stanleybmanly Thank you. Yes, I did learn a lot during those years and I mentioned in previous threads- a lot of the things I went through are some of the reasons why I am going into what I am going into. I want to be a victim/witness advocate and I really want to help people, especially those who’ve been through similar to me. It’s fucking tough dealing with it and if I can try to make it easier for others I want to. I had people helping me.
It’s back and forth for me- I wish I could redo those things looking back, but at the same time, as horrible as those things were, they have helped me figure myself out a bit. My only thing is that I want to not be bothered by them anymore. But that would require me skipping to the future, after I figure out how to actually cope with it.
For me to be 100% happy, would be for me to find the strength I need to tell my story, completely. The police are the only ones that know pretty much everything, but I never could tell my therapist when I was with one- I talked about every other minor problem. And my family and friends know very,very, very little. So little that they just can’t see my side of things when I’m upset. So it causes them to get frustrated. I can’t blame them though, they can’t read minds.
Everything else in my life, I’m happy. I’m proud of myself for graduating high school when I literally believed I wouldn’t, I’m proud of myself for applying to college even if it was incredibly last minute. I have accomplished a lot so far and I want to accomplish more. I’m not letting the person that caused all this shit win. And by allowing myself to constantly be depressed would be doing that. I’m taking every chance I get to be the person I want to be.
I don’t consider my life to be a tragedy. I’m trying to be as positive as I can. It gets hard sometimes. But I am alive :)