IDK. 10 years ago? And it’s getting shorter all the time.

Probably when I lost my dad when I was 17.

I was in bed as a kid, maybe around 9/10yrs old & randomly began thinking of death.
Primarily, the idea that you’re dead, like…FOREVER!!

I remember being consumed with dread as it dawned on me I was like this tiny spec floating around in space that sooner or later is no more.

I dreamed of fwuffy wabbits that night to ease the sting & woke next morning vowing to live the best life I could from then on.
I reckon it worked :-)

Oh @chyna…I am so so sorry…

When I started describing my past in decades rather than years.

I’ve lived in the D.C. areas for a little more than 4 decades. I obtained a professional credential 3 decades ago. I’ve been married for nearly 3 decades.

This made me realize just how much time has flown by, and that I’m now on the shorter side of life.

Around age 10.

Third grade when Robbie and his mother were killed in the parking lot behind the Dry Cleaners on Sepulveda. Car coming into lot had its brakes fail pinned them both to the brick wall.

When we lost my step mom to Colon cancer, and the brother in law was killed in his small plane, now arthritis is attacking my knees so bad it’s making walking difficult.

Yesterday…or maybe tomorrow?

Probably a year ago when I got hit by a car while bicycling. Also that I have been pecking on a keyboard with y’all for more than ten years now. How is that possible?

Thirty seemed like I had been around a long time. Then I thought about how many Christmases I had lived through.
Then I realized I had less than twice that many left, and probably most of them lonely.
Life suddenly seemed like a runaway speed boat, and no matter how it goes, that ending is not gonna be pretty.

At some point now beyond my conscious recollection. I’ve always known.

I’m in my early 50’s and my guess is that I started thinking about it in the past few years, thinking that more of my life has passed than is ahead of me. Plus when my mom died a few years ago, that added to it. Plus now with this virus and thinking about the possibility of getting it, and all the people that have gotten it and passed away, younger than myself, tragic.