I think that you have the PERFECT plan!!! I was assured by my parents that IF I wasn’t married by time I graduated high school & pregnant not long after that my life would be a failure. So, that was my plan. I married the first guy that asked me. Yes, I thought I was in me love. Only problem was that he was abusive & already had 2 children of his own & giving one wasn’t part of HIS plan!!!
After divorcing the asshole, I met a man who treated me like a queen. He NEVER hit me & he said he wanted children. All seemed right with the world & when he asked me to marry him, I felt that I was being given a second chance at my plan. 0n our honeymoon he declared “I’m glad we’re finally married…now I can be me.” He had been working very hard to hide that he was a raging alcoholic. Once we were married, he dropped his guard. He still NEVER hit me, but he did verbally go insane every so often. Then I discovered that I feared having his children because i feared our children carrying on the alcoholic gene. He drank himself to death & left me a widow. By then I was almost 40 & being told that I had a better chance of being struck by lightening than finding the love of my life.
That’s when I decided to hell with it all & I decided to live out the rest of my life alone, yet happy. IF I was going to be miserable, it would be My choice to be miserable. That’s when God laughed. At 50 I met my soulmate & we got married. Yes, I was too old to have children, but I was deliriously HAPPY!!! That’s when life decided I was too happy & he died in his sleep. i was crushed until I realized that he had left me so full of love that his not being physically here with me didn’t stop the love that I still felt for him & I could still feel the love that he had given me!!!
Now I ‘m 70 & I’m living my life as it comes. I’m working with emotionally challenged children. I have about a dozen children who I love & who love me. No, they aren’t biologically mine; but, that just means that I don’t have to support them financially…only emotionally which is what they need the most. Although I no longer have the physical body of the man that I loved, I still have ALL the love that we had shared. Surprisingly, I’m finding that to be enough to keep me happy!!! Yes, I’d prefer that he be here with me, but that’s NOT an option. Still when really lonesome, I can reach into our past & latch on to some wonderful memories.
In my younger days, I was always feeling that I was failing in my plan. Now, flying by the seat of my pants, I’m the happiest that I’ve EVER been!!! I suggest that you take each day as it comes, use your best judgment on how to get through each day. Planning works for some people & they are the ones who crow the loudest. Still, those who planned & failed turned out the happiest!!!