I would have to know more about the context. If a customer asked if the steak was good and she said, “I don’t know because I’m vegan”, I would think that was appropriate to say. If she said, “Don’t order meat, I’m vegan” or just announced it, that would be inappropriate. I don’t know that it would upset me particularly in either case, but the second and third examples seem a little unnecessary.

@janbb It was more like your first situation, but with a bit of disapproval in her tone.
Again, I didn’t think much of it but a few thought her even mentioning it was inappropriate for her job.

Well, I would say if she was expressing disapproval, she probably shouldn’t be working at a restaurant that serves meat. It does seem that the trend is more for servers to inject some informal personality into their jobs so maybe it was a bit more of that. IDK

No.

1) I couldn’t care less what ideas or practices the server has. It’s strange for her to tell you, but it is of no matter to me. Supposing she had said “I’m a practicing polygamist. What can I get for you to eat?”. Same answer – utterly irrelevant to me.

2) We don’t know anything about the restaurant. If it were ‘fine dining’ it would be weird to hear. If it were a new-age-hippie type of fern bar restaurant, maybe that’s the ambiance that the owner is trying for.

Bottom line, we don’t enough to have an informed opinion. But it does seem unusual.

No. Especially if she wants more tips.

I’m familiar with the wait staff being chummy, maybe mentioning something about their family or something similar, and mentioning their opinion about food when asked but it seems unnecesary to mention veganism. Also, I agree with others that it’s hard to really critique this without more context and more details about the restaurant.

No. It implies disapproval of non-vegan orders.

If I was the restaurant owner I’d advise the waiting staff not to mention they’re either vegan or not if it’s not at all called for in taking customers’ orders.

Disclaimer: I was a vegetarian (lacto-ovo) from 1991 to 2000, when it was far from common where I lived. I’ve been dealing with the issue of vegetarian/vegan diet choices and the response from others for many years.

I think @janbb‘s “I don’t know because I’m vegan” is most likely. And in that case, it’s very reasonable.

@KNOWITALL: “It was more like your first situation, but with a bit of disapproval in her tone.”

I’m not saying that I don’t believe your table might have believed that there was a “bit of disapproval in her tone”. But I have heard this so much over the years, and more often than not, that “disapproval” says more about the listener than the speaker. It’s possible she said, “Well I can’t speak on how good this meat dish is because I’m a vegan and choose not to eat the flesh of dead animals, like you people”, and then gave the table the finger. But I suspect this didn’t happen.

Rather, back in the day, I would experience the following: The existence of vegetarians/vegans caused some real defensiveness in omnivores. I’ll repeat – just knowing that there are people who choose not to eat meat can cause some people to feel as though they are being judged.

So, “should” wait staff tell customers they are vegan? Why not? When I ask wait staff if they can recommend an IPA, and they tell me that they can’t because they don’t drink beer (or don’t drink), I know that they really don’t have a basis for providing me with any info on pros/cons of a particular brew. I’m not going to feel offended or feel that my alcohol consumption is in question.

Similar to other jellies, I have no problem with it if she is being asked about a meat dish and says, “I’ve never tried it because I’m vegan, but a lot of people order it.” I don’t see how that is offensive to anyone, except maybe people who relate people being vegan as some sort of negative attribute that also affects them personally.

@JLeslie The tone and body language could also play a big part. Those same words if it came out even just a bit sarcastic will have a different effect.

Why would a vegan be compelled to tell people they are a vegan?

@mazingerz88 I’d agree tone matters.

There is a contingent of people in the US who I think put vegans together with anti-second amendment and left wing. I have friends who hunt who almost brag about the meat they eat. Not all hunters, just a few of them are like that.

We were also a group of all women later talking about ‘sex’ when she walked up, said “whoa, I’ll come back later”, walked away and never came back. When I went to pay the owner said ‘I heard you had an interesting conversation.’ Kind of leering at me. It was so weird!

I still tipped but I felt the whole thing was weird and overfamiliar, personally. It was my first time there but I may go back with different guests just out of curiousity.

@KNOWITALL It would make me uncomfortable that the owner made that comment. Definite weird factor there.

If I were the waiter, I’d just take orders and serve. If I’m asked for opinions on what to order, I’d repeat what the Chef has recommended that day. There is no need or compulsion on me to declare my personal food choices. If I own that restaurant, I’d make sure my staff don’t dare talk about their personal food choices because in a restaurant, all types of ‘vores’ come and they don’t particularly care about what the waiter eats.

I’m a vegetarian. Been that all my life, for generations and centuries along my family line. The first thing we’re taught with food preferences is – don’t poke your nose into other people’s food habits. In my country, you’ll find veggies and meat eaters coexisting, without any animosity or snobbery. That’s how it has been for centuries. It is only of late, in the past couple of years, we’re seeing people ‘talking down’ on what others eat or ‘talking up’ the superiority of their personal diets. It has never happened before and I do believe that this modern trend with kids to take ‘pride’ in what they eat, is a direct influence of the newly converted vores of the west. You know, people who just suddenly discovered veganism or vegetarianism…and go about telling others how great they are…..truth is, nobody cares…just eat what you want…..and don’t go about espousing your food beliefs, especially if you are a waiter!

@AK I tend to agree. Plus she’ll get better tips. Win win.

@KNOWITALL Yes, better tips and better chances of repeat customers. Besides, we have to assume that a restaurant always serves good, tasty food. Basic prerequisite for any restaurant. I can’t imagine a situation where the waiter tells a customer – wait, that steak is not good….! It would be weird and extremely uncomfortable for the business altogether. So, I have to assume that the waitress in question was actually trying to be snobbish because no waiter worth his/her salary is going to say a food item is ‘bad’. They’d have quit if it really was bad…

When I ask as waiter, they generally answer “the most popular dish is ‘xxxx’” or “a lot of people order xxxx and like it”. So they’re not explicitly saying dish ‘yyyy’ is bad – rather they’re pointing out what is the good stuff.

I did have a waiter at a fancy seafood place in Philly tell me “the <some sort of fish> has been here for a day or two; I recommend the <other fish> which was caught this morning”. So it really depends on the place and the waiter and the reputation.

As a vegan (and I have to actually tell you to make the comment relevant), I can’t tell you how many times people assume I am judging them when I mention that I’m a vegan, no matter the context, and even if they asked me a specific question about being vegan. If someone assumes they are being judged because I’m a vegan, that’s more about them than it is about me. (A lot of new vegans will tell you that they used to get upset when people talked about veganism because of a guilty conscience. I’m not saying that’s true in all cases, but it’s something to consider.)

^ This! Absolutely this.

Oh, so maybe it is a case of projection. I know people who seem to be judgmental of vegans, but I guess actually they feel they are being judged by vegans.

I don’t have issues with vegans – I know one or two personally through friends.

However, I was taken (maybe 6–7 years ago) to a vegan restaurant – supposedly an excellent one in Atlanta. With all respect, the food had no taste, and I left hungry. It may be healthy and good, but it was horribly dissatisfying to me.

@JLeslie: “Oh, so maybe it is a case of projection. I know people who seem to be judgmental of vegans, but I guess actually they feel they are being judged by vegans.”

If you’re just going along with your life, and you meet someone who is a vegan or vegetarian, you are immediately faced with the fact that there are people who choose not to eat animals. The existence of these people causes an involuntary assessment of your own actions and beliefs. This can cause all kinds of defensiveness and belief that they are being judged – when the judgement is actually all internal.

My sister is vegan, my aunt was a vegetarian, my dad was close to vegan for several years, and I know a lot of vegans and vegetarians, and some pescatarians. For me, being a vegan is something I know I should do for my health, I like the idea also because of the animals. but never committed to it for more than a few months at a time, and only at home.

@hello321 I find it odd that people who are horrible to vegans even think twice about their own actions, food or otherwise. I need to think about it some more. These people seem sure in their belief that God put animals on this earth to be eaten, and that humans are naturally omnivores.

@elbanditoroso I find most vegan restaurants not pleasing to my taste buds, but I can usually find something to eat. I don’t mind a vegan meal, but I don’t like it to be fake meats and fake cheese, I’d rather veggies, beans, and everything I like anyway, just sans the meat. I like veggie pizza with no cheese, I don’t need anything fake. Or, a veggie quesadilla no cheese. rice and beans with pico and a salad for a meal. I also have found a lot of vegan restaurants have too much oil in their dishes, but I find that at “regular” restaurants also. I don’t like very oily foods.

@elbanditoroso That surprises me that it was tasteless, some of my favorite restaurants are vegan. (Just happened this is where the girls wanted to go.)

I made myself an amazing salad today of tomatoes, small romaine, kidney beans and croutons. So yummy! My dogs share my veggies with me, like radishes, green beans, broccoli, cauliflower so it’s more fun for me.

If the waitress is truly vegan because of her strong feelings about where the meat comes from, why us she in a job where she is serving the flesh of other animals?

@Strauss There aren’t many vegan restaurants, and maybe she needs the work. We don’t know why she is a vegan. My dad was vegan for health reasons not humane reasons.

To me it’s like she walks up to to table and announces she’s left handed. Yeah? So?

@KNOWITALL

“That surprises me that it was tasteless, some of my favorite restaurants are vegan.”

Same here.
I’m an omnivore, and my two favorite restaurants are a vegan Thai place, and a vegetarian one with some delicious vegan options.

@Dutchess_III: “To me it’s like she walks up to to table and announces she’s left handed. Yeah? So?”

table guests to server: I’m wondering if you have any suggestions. How is the [meat dish] compared to [some other meat dish]?

server: I can’t really say because I’m left handed.

Way to pay attention, Dutch.

@Brian1946 Exactly! I could live off Indian and Thai-Asian food, no problem.
I swear the little vegetarian cafe in Columbia,Mo made the best bean burrito I’ve ever had in my life. And I’ve been to NM and Mexico haha.

@KNOWITALL I totally feel that way about Indian food too and prefer the non-meat dishes. If I ate Indian food all the time, I could be a vegetarian.

I really think that’s the trick. “American vegan food” often isn’t great in my opinion, but Asian food (Asian continent) tends to be very tasty. Mexican also.

@hello321 the OP said nothing about that in the details.
Way to pay attention @hello321.

^ Yeah, because dominant hand is a common topic when talking about food. Hint: OP is talking about a restaurant.

As long as the food is good, and I’m happy with the service, I could care less if she says she’s into eating earth worms. To each his own. Another coffee, please?

She doesn’t have an obligation to announce that, but it wouldn’t bother me if she did.

I was at a meatless restaurant and the server said that he followed the teachings of Bubba Free John, and drank his own urine.

Although I’m an omnivore, I have a higher regard for vegans than I do for myself.

However, I’d rather hear a server tell me that she’s a raving carnivore than tell that she consumes her own body fluids, except for maybe her own milk.

Lol @Brian1946!