Even before Jeff died this would be way too painful to answer Well I can just say one other thing…missing my mom and sister.

Safely locked away in the Ecto Containment System.

I have really fond memories of when my mom was alive and we’d all gather at her house for every holiday. My daughter loved being with her Nana and being at Nana’s house. The matriarch was like the glue that held the family together, in both my mom’s case and my grandmother’s case (my mom’s mom). Now, the family is somewhat scattered and doing random things every holiday, sometimes together, sometimes not. It’s kind of sad but the times we’re together are happy times. We’re evolving, still, after 5 years and it is what it is.

I am often shadowed by regrets of friends who have died, and those who are no longer friends.
I always associate today with my parents as well. They were married Christmas day.

I miss Christmases when my kids were little.
I DON’T miss getting awakened at 5 am by excited, screaming hoards.

Christmas was not a real thing in my birth family’s Jewish culture but it was a very special day for my Ex, my kids and me. Since I’ve been divorced and my kids are far away and have their own families, it has been a challenge for me to find ways to make it a pleasant day for me. Thoughts of our happiest times as a family are never far away but this year I have managed to incorporate some little self-indulgent rituals of my own along with the drifting memories.

One thing that was fun that we did was to put out a gift “from Santa” for each boy on the hearth at night that they could open when they woke up. We would open the rest of the presents later after breakfast when their uncle came over. It got to be quite a challenge as the boys became teens to stay up later enough than them to put the Santa presents out. We used to laugh at the youngest because even well into his 20s, he would get up in the night and sneak down to open his Santa present!

For today, these ghosts are here but benign and I am savoring a lazy day by the fireplace with chocolates and books and well wishes from loving friends.

My father passed away on December 25, 2002.
His ashes are buried in Vancouver, BC.