Give advice either to unload their own thoughts, like venting, or to hurt you or they might think they are helping you. It depends what they say.
During my first traumatic break-up in my 20’s people would tell me not to talk to him, but I was in so much pain I wanted to talk to him to try to get out of feeling so horrible.
I would talk to him and it did not make me feel better, it was still awful.
Time would pass not talking to him and I would start to get a little more normal, not obsessing about him quite as much, and then I would talk to him and I would get totally miserable again. My dad couldn’t understand how I could be so upset by someone who had been horrible to me, which was not helpful to me at the time. People who understood were more helpful, but they also were telling me not to talk to him.
One day someone I didn’t know very well said pay attention to how I feel physically and mentally when I talk to him, that talking to him actually made me more upset in the end, more out of control physically. It was true.
Maybe initially you didn’t want to feel better, I was Iike that for months. Around the year mark I started to have days in a row that life seemed normal and I was ok (still not great) but even then, seeing him or even being in the same city was really hard for me. Watching a movie that reminded me of our relationship still put me in a tailspin, but I recovered faster, in a day I could get back to my life and not dwell on him, and I realized it was ridiculous to keep going through that and I stopped hoping for a minute of his time.
It took me two years to be completely done so he didn’t affect me anymore. I moved away to a new state about a year after our break-up, and that move was like a huge weight off of my shoulders. I felt free of those memories, I did not expect to feel so much better. I started a new job and made new friends.