@RedDeerGuy1 No need for apologies. I was just trying to say that maybe you worry about it too much and that may be stressing you.
When I first began delving into my psych issues, I was obsessed with finding out the ‘whys’ of just about everything related. There are questions I still have which I have finally accepted I will never learn the answers to. I simply can’t access the memories. But I’m 67, while you’re still in the midst of your journey, so I understand your yearning to find out the ‘whys’. It’s almost as if knowing them would help ‘fix’ them.
Don’t stop questioning if that’s what you need to do. Your life is your life. I spent probably 30 years searching for answers as to why I was the way I was. There were some things I could solve, but many more that I simply have to accept.