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Mexicanamerican's avatar

How thin is the line between being in love and being infatuated.

Asked by Mexicanamerican (1957points) October 1st, 2008
11 responses
“Great Question” (0points)

There is a girl I was crazy about we dated have fun but circumstances (she is an employee in my department) kept us apart. It was getting out that there was something between us, so we decided to let things cool off and take some time off from seeing each other so much. Now we’ve both kind of moved on but, it’s been 3 months and I can not for the life of me get her out of my head. She seems to be happy it’s hard to tell cause she’s avoiding me cause she thinks I’m going to get fired being I’m her boss. I care for her a lot but and I’m willing to risk my job for her, problem is we were only dating for 5 months and I’ve only known her a total of 1 year 4 months. So I’m not sure if it’s just infatuation or love….. I apologize for the length of the question..

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krose1223's avatar

Well the fact that you are aware that infatuation is a possibility probably shows you’re not. Really you are the only one who can answer that question because no one knows you better than you know yourself. No one can tell you whether or not you are in love, only you can decide for yourself. Talk to her, you might be surprised what’s going on in her head. Don’t worry about the time knowing her… there is no time limit on love. When you know, you know, and there is no arguing it. Just be smart in your decision, don’t lose your job if she isn’t feeling you too.

krose1223's avatar

(kinda left that first sentence hanging, you’re not infatuated*)

DrasticDreamer's avatar

For me personally, if I have to ask, it’s not love. When it’s love there is no doubt. I’m not you though… So I don’t know. You may feel love differently.

marissa's avatar

I think one way to know if it is love vs. infatuation is if you truly want to see that person happy and you want what is best for them, even if what is best for them is being with someone else and not you.

fireside's avatar

I think the important thing to keep in mind is the fact that you are her boss in what sounds like a large company. If you approach her, they may have to let you go.

Right now she is uncomfortable and doesn’t want to continue the relationship because of the work situation so imagine how much more uncomfortable it would be if you got fired over liking her.

Best thing to do it to find someone else and not think about it for at least a year. Or if you really like her and are sure that she feels the same, then you should find a new job first.

Nothing is guaranteed, so it would be better to enjoy her company as a friend and find a relationship with someone else.


basp's avatar

The fact that you are her boss changes the way I would answer. As a person of authority in her life, your influence on her is different, esspecially in a work situation. If you are serious about pursuing her, it might be wise to change jobs first. Also, your ages would be an important factor to consider.

tocutetolive90's avatar

well if it was love you wouldn’t be questioning it, but it seems like it could be turning into love since you are willing to risk your job for her. I wouldn’t give up your job unless your sure you can find a new job, but if you guys wanna go out go for it, but you will have to keep it more a secret. If it gets too hard at work and too want to stay together one of you might have to find a new job. i wouldn’t recommend its you unless you can find a job that pays as much as your getting. Even though you like her no need to wreck your future and risk loosing a good way to pay the bills and keep food coming into your house.

maybe_KB's avatar

Love = unconditionally infactuated

Infactuated = you keep that up, i’ll always love you

marinelife's avatar

The line is thick and wide. The fact that you still think about her may mean you were developing strong feelings for her. If you care for her, though, you will not make her uncomfortable.

If she is that important to you, go to her and tell her. Tell her that you will look for another job, because you can’t forget her, and you would like to see her outside of work. Then wait until you leave and begin dating if she is interested.

aaronb's avatar

It’s very thin… I believe. I’ve just asked my boss who just asked me if I loved him and his answer was 8mm… My answer to him must be ‘no’ because he had to ask.

grimacebingers's avatar

There’s a fine, fine line between a lover and a friend.
Theres a fine, fine line between reality and pretend.
An you never know till you reach the top, if was worth the uphill climb.
There’s a fine, fine line between love and waste of time.
There’s a fine, fine line between together and not.
There’s a fine, fine line between what you wanted and what got.
And if someone doesn’t love you back, it isn’t such a crime.
There’s a fine, fine line between holding on and leaving it behind.
-Avenue Q

This is the question that almost every person has struggled with. Gay, Straight, Bi, Trangender, disabled or alien. I myself included. When I try to resolve my feelings, I find some solice by understanding the following:
When I realize that I love someone it is because of how I feel around the person, how I feel when I think about the person, how my feelings affect my daily life. Love for me is an action, not a state. An action of change. Love for me is a permanent change. I have been changed because this person. Now this doesn’t mean that the person loves me back, or that we are heading towards happily ever after. Infatuation is also an action. The action of greed, the action of self interest. Do you find yourself working towards making you happy or her. Just as Marrisa wrote… “if you truly want to see that person happy and you want what is best for them, even if what is best for them is being with someone else and not you.”

Now as to your specific situation of a workplace romance. As many here have advised…perhaps seeking alternate work may remove the concern about the appearance and the taboo of coworkers dating. Some companies offer HR help and require contracts for both parties to acknowldge thier relationship, but this is strickly to protect the company should one or both of your work suffer from outside of work struggles that accompany any relationship. As I think about any coworker relationship that I encountered that seemed to survive, many deal with persons who have short term “gigs” or assignments. This allows the joy of working together, however there is a pre-determined end date. If this job is both of yours lifeline, then your playing with fire…or actually playing with being fired. As her boss, this adds an additional level of conflict and taboo. Both men and women get into trouble often for doing things at work “privately”. I have a friend who found themselves in a similar situation, where by he and female coworker started a relationship outisde of the office. However once at work the attraction doesn’t go away (that’s natural… that’s human) and suddenly the girl became worried about appearance and found the affection/attention bothersome. People flip out, act irrationally, and easily go into self-preservation mode. Long story short, the girl didn’t know what to do and ended up creating a fake harrassment charge against my friend. This cause both of them a lot of unneeded stress. Additionally it murdered the attaction, which brings it own truck load of issues-including one of the hardest to overcome….self esteme bruises. Maybe you should sit down with a third coworker whom you both know and seek their advice. Someone outside of the relationship but fully understanding your particular work politics and culture may provide the best vision. Having a third person may also provide the unique opportunity to tell you (or her), each other, things that you may want to say but paralyzed because of fear of hurting feelings. What if this third person provides the opportunity to “AGREE” with someone elses opinion or suggestion… may take the sting out of what you may already know to be the solution.

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