I’m 23 and female. It was extremely important to me to have a biological child.
I’ve dated men who very much intended to have children eventually, and men who never wanted children ever (not even adopted).
I dated a man for two years who actually didn’t want children at all. It was hard for me to even comprehend, since I felt having children is pinnacle of life. We never really fought about it, because we knew we both wanted to finish school before marriage. We had talked about marriage, but rarely children. He’d mention a friend of the family who had an adopted daughter, and how great they got along..so I thought he might reconsider it eventually. Our relationship deteriorated because of other things, mainly him not being able to deal with my depression. He was a good friend through it all, but it got to be too much for him, and it tore us apart. Also, towards the end, he got a vasectomy without even telling me. That’s when our trust barrier broke
So, things weren’t meant to be with him. I was too young to realize “Hey, we don’t have the same life goals, so we shouldn’t even be considering marriage!” Hard pill to swallow at the time.
Since I already have a child, this is hard to do hypothetically. I’ve grown up a lot because of my son, so I’m more clear headed when it comes to relationships.
I suppose I wouldn’t even give a man a chance at a long term relationship with me, if he didn’t want children. Children equal happiness in my world, and if that isn’t part of the equation then the man wouldn’t be involved in my life. Possibly as a casual relationship.
If I had been infertile, I think we would have tried adoption. I’ve been blessed with the ability to conceive, so I will use that ability. I can’t really explain why I feel so strongly about it. It’s definitely not about carrying on the family name, or anything of that sort. To me, it’s the ultimate act of love and sacrifice. adoption is included in this, since adoption is still parenting
My husband is 26 and has told me he has always been ambivalent about it. He could have gone either way, as long as he loved the woman he was with. But, he said he knew he’d always have children, and did want them. I suppose if he were with a woman that didn’t want children, he would have been okay with that. But, I don’t think he’s ever been with a woman that didn’t (at some point) want to have children. So, it’s always been in his life plan as well. Now, at like 20? I doubt he was really even thinking serious about it. He was 24 when we had our first. I was 20. And now I’ll be 23 for our second, and he’ll be 27.