Not very close to my parents. When I was a kid, I was very close to my mom. She saw us as best friends, and I know she was really upset when I got to be about 15 or so and preferred to spend time with my friends from school. Anyway, my parents didn’t really get along, and my mom is the kind of person who wants everyone to be on her “side.” From the time I was very young, she subtly manipulated my brother and I into seeing our family as Us against Dad. I didn’t even realize until I was married myself that this mean-guy image I had of my dad wasn’t true. He’s never been good at communicating, had some control issues, and probably would have alienated us all on his own even without my mom’s help. But, he wasn’t abusive or mean. He took care of us, gave all of us everything we wanted, and did his best. We aren’t close, but I feel like I understand him better. He lives halfway across the country from me, so we don’t see each other often but we talk about once a week.
My mom has gotten stranger and stranger as the years have gone on. Any closeness we used to have faded away several years ago. She would probably tell anyone who asks that we’re still best friends, but she’s kind of delusional. I once read a description of histrionic personality disorder which describes her to a T. I believe she’s also a pathological liar. It’s impossible to be close to her because I never know if what she’s telling me has any truth to it at all. Many of her lies are hateful and seem to be designed to make others look bad so she can look like some kind of saint. She also lives several states away (not surprisingly, my parents divorced many years ago), but she calls me all the time. I usually get off the phone and want to slam my head into a wall. If she were anyone other than my mom, I probably would have cut her out of my life long ago. I can’t do that, so I put up with it. I mostly keep my mouth shut, because contradicting, questioning, or arguing has no effect on her at all.
It is sad, because I’d like to know my dad better but can’t get past his tendency to keep everything to himself. I swear, he only likes to talk about the weather. I’d like to be close to my mom, but with her issues, that just isn’t possible.
Luckily, I have some awesome in-laws. My husband has a big family, all very close and always there for each other. I’m so glad my kids are growing up surrounded by this family and not the kind of family I grew up in.