@wundayatta You are quite articulate and most interesting to read. I’m sorry you’ve had such rough times though. I sincerely Thank You for your heartfelt sharing. May others find comfort and answers too.
For me, growing up in a family with incredible addiction and power issues I had a mixed soup of all variations of toxic silence: (and then some…) Silence wore many masks.
I have often seen and experienced Silence be used as a weapon in my family.
I have often seen and experienced Silence be used as a shield to hide behind, and used as a kind of punishment to manipulate others.
I have personally used Silence as the last stone thrown effort in attempts to shatter a wall that another has placed for their protection, after my words were not effective. (Sort of a Silent Pissing contest) But not after numerous attempts of unsuccessful verbal communication.
Sometimes during the crazy times, I would turn to Silence as my Silent Partner and find comfort.
Silence has been hurtfully misused as a weapon in a toxic power struggle.
Scars from Silence can be so deep. I may never know any of the reasons for it all. For who knows how many and deep their silent scars run. So many family members scars are tangled. I’m not even certain they had an inkling.
For me, the best kind of Silence is when there just are no words needed. And you just ..know. I prefer this use by far. Like a comforting companion. Like a Home.
but, hey, look at the bright side….that’s where I learned how to nag!!! (kidding!)
I hope things will clear up for you and your friend soon.