As we have all said, sorry for your loss.
I am 60, I lost my Dad two Thanksgivings ago and I did a fair bit of crying myself’; at home when I got the news and then when I flew to NY and went to his funeral. I was fortunate that my sibling made all of the arrangements.
Grief is a normal human emotion. There is no shame in crying, there is no shame in feeling a terrible loss and there is no shame in continuing to grieve openly, whether for a month, six months, a year or for the rest of your life.
In this country, we seem so concerned with achieving “closure”, whatever that means.
Closure is bullshit. We eat, we sleep, we grieve. It takes time. It gets easier, it gets better but deep down you never really get over it. In the future, you will remember your father fondly, lovingly, but the loss will remain.
My mother used to work two blocks from me in Manhattan. For several months after her death, I would instinctively pick up the phone at work to call her when something popped into my mind that I would have asked her. I had to stop myself in the middle of dialing and give myself a dose of reality. I still miss her, it has been 27 years but the pain is gone, the depth of the loss is gone.
It does get easier. You will feel better. but it is going to take a while. Don’t worry about letting your emotions show and if anybody makes you feel lousy about it or tries to make you “stop”, ignore them.
Again, my condolences upon the loss of your father.
SRM