I usually resist the urge to defend myself. I know what I did and who I am. I’m just trying to understand the other person’s perspective, and if I get defensive, we’ll get nowhere.
I don’t always succeed, especially with my wife. I don’t know why. Maybe it’s because she gets so defensive I rarely felt like she heard me. She is trying more, now, so maybe counseling is helping.
But I like to look at myself from the outside as far as I can. So if I think someone’s criticism is fair, I’ll say so. Mostly. And if they are unfair, I tend to think what would make them see things this way. It can’t be the facts, so something else must need to be addressed.