I’m perfectly willing to address them in whichever way makes them comfortable. It’s just common courtesy and considerate of their feelings. They have a right to that.
The only ones who would get a pass would be the trans persons own children.
I saw a beautiful segmen in a documentary a while ago with a transexual Father who had completed the transition to female legally and otherwise.
The son was was around 8 or 9 when the surgery was complete and he understood fully what was happening.
But years later he was still addressing her as Dad. She explained that they had multiple conversations and she was fine with it because this was what her son said he was comfortable with when she asked him about it.
She could have insisted that the son address her as female but she had the grace and wisdom to recognize that his comfort was more important than her own.
She explained it thusly “regardless of what he calls me, know that in his heart I’m still his Dad and always will be So if he prefers to call me that, why not? He’s my child and this journey has been tough enough on him. If this provides him a bit of comfort in the midst of it, I don’t care what anybody else thinks is appropriate or not. I care what he thinks. That’s whats important to me.”
As I heard her describing all this, I thought it was such a beautiful illustration of the depths of a parent’s love.
I’m not suggesting that all trans people should do this. But that this particular one was sensitive enough to her son’s needs to communicate honestly and openly with her child and chose what she felt was best for him.
Perhaps other kids are ok with the change of terms but this one wasn’t and she chose his needs over hers.