No one wants to be so vulnerable that they’re taken advantage of and used.
I think people mix up “not holding grudges” with some sort of obligation to have the person who hurt them back in their lives as though nothing’s happened, which would make one open to more hurt. But that’s not the case. If you tell the person who broke your trust that you’re on to them and that’s not going to happen again, what more do you have to do? No one’s saying to not protect yourself, but holding a grudge doesn’t protect you, it just keeps you angry.
I’m totally guilty of holding grudges against those people who hurt me, and when confronted, not only didn’t show remorse or apologize, but either denied that it happened or that I deserved what happened to me. It took a long time to get over the hurt of those things, but I did when I slowly realized that continuing to feel hurt allowed these people to have power over me. I still have moments when the hurt comes up, but now I remember this and it’s easier to let the feeling pass.
And while I don’t hold a grudge, no, those particular people are no longer in my life. They have proven that their ways of treating people haven’t changed. I’m learning to forgive. Not to be stupid.