I am a commitment phobe (female, 22). When guys I’m dating ask me to be their girlfriends, I run for the hills. However, with my current boyfriend (ta-da!) it was different. It’s all about the wording: he didn’t ask me to be his girlfriend, but rather asked if he could call me his girlfriend. There’s so much subtext for me, which may or may not actually be there. “Be my girlfriend” implies that something will be changing, and that it’s a transition, whereas “call you my girlfriend” implies no change, just that “i don’t know what to call you and girlfriend feels right.” Also “be my girlfriend” seems to be on the guy’s terms, submitting to be his trophy (etc.) whereas “call you my girlfriend” makes it seem like my terms, that he is submitting to my seductive prowess and is so proud and excited to be with me that he wants to tell the world.
As for timing, he asked me this post-messing around, cuddling (Option A). I didn’t say yes right away, it took me a few days, but I did. It was a good time to ask because we had just had great sex because it was a tender moment, but towards the end of the date. If you mention it at the beginning and she’s not sure it will be the elephant at your date.
You could also try “Can I be your boyfriend?” instead if you suspect she’s like me. Also, don’t push being facebook official for a while (unless she brings it up), that’s a whole other level of commitment. Announcing to people you hardly know that you’re in a relationship is great, announcing to them that it ended when you take down your relationship status in the future is not so great.
Keep us posted!! Good luck!!