@KhiaKarma, okay, you are off to a good start. Most people in your shoes would take one look at some of those guns and go “zomg, those are icky, I don’t want one” and then shut down about the idea completely. You recognize the fact that you don’t have the appropriate mindset yet, but you are getting there. That’s a good thing.
@WestRiverrat raises a good point. You may want to start small before investing in a self defense gun. I don’t recommend using anything other than a gun to defend yourself, because you are statistically more likely to be safer using a gun against an attacker than any other weapon. (I’ll bring up the citation if anyone requests it) You want to be sure you are comfortable with guns first and the best way to do that is find a good instructor (alot of them are crap and there are a lot of space shuttle door gunner wannabee armchair commandos out there masquerading as instructors) and learn to shoot, starting with a small caliber (.22) to overcome any fears you may have. Once you learn to shoot the small stuff and break your own fears, you can move on to the larger stuff and be prepared to buy your own personal weapon that will be sufficient enough to keep you alive, if need be.
Just remember: fear of weapons is irrational. They are inanimate, amoral, mechanical objects that can be used for good or ill depending on the will of the operator. Once you see them as a tool and decondition yourself from seeing them as a threat or a thing to be feard (and respected, instead), then you will have the proper mindset to begin your self-defense training.
Also, don’t let anyone tell you that you are “paranoid” or anything like that for wanting to defend yourself. It is your right, and your responsibility, it is possible to be attacked by a violent attacker, and you clearly recognize this, so don’t let anyone convince you otherwise.