Those who make reparations and who show evidence that they have learned from their mistakes and will make every effort to avoid making that mistake again. They can be forgiven.
On the other hand, there is interior forgiveness. If you wish to get past your anger and hurt, then you must forgive those who have hurt you. If you remain stuck in your anger, that’s where you’ll stay. Maybe you like being angry. Maybe you enjoy having grievances. Most people don’t. Most people want to get on with their lives. That means they have to let the hurt go. That means forgiving those who have hurt them.
Forgiveness doesn’t make something right. It just lets you get past your pain. Making things right is very different from forgiveness, but often confused with it. I just hurt someone fairly significantly. She pointed this out to me and said she forgave me in advance. I guess that was for her, so she could let go of the anger she felt at me hurting her.
I didn’t want the forgiveness. I wanted to make it right first. I wanted her to understand I hadn’t meant it the way she took it. It had a very different meaning for me than it did for her. I wanted to hear that she understood this before forgiving me.
Then I realized that was all about me. I realized what she really wanted was to be understood. She wanted me to know what she felt and to understand it. So I practiced listening to her and trying to understand. I did not want this to come between us.
Clearly it’s complicated. And I can’t tell you who should be forgiven. I wanted to be forgiven, but not the way she did it. I wanted her to know I will not do this again. I apologized many times. But in the end, forgiveness is for her, not for me.
Who should be forgiven? Whoever you want to forgive.