“Last part of Manhattan now swallowed by the sea. Republicans still claim it is a conspiracy by environmentalists.
In other news, Rick Santorum mysteriously drowned after travelling to New York. Eyewitnesses report he was trying to breath underwater.”
“Last wild specimen of the ape species “homo sapiens” successfully hunted down and killed. World President Chairman Meow declares Global Holiday in response.”
“A minor hindrance to full scale colonisation efforts of planet 5348-Gamma-Eridonis 3 was successfully eliminated after the last stronghold of the formerly dominant indigenous vermin species, which called themselves “humans”, was vapourised via orbital bombardement. Last stragglers are expected to be apprehended and deported to slave labour asteroid Delta 452 in the Alpha Centauri system within 12 galactic standard days.”
“World War 3 finally ended as US American citizens welcomed their German liberators in Washington DC. American Dictator and Pope of the Church of America, Rick Santorum, as well as his ministers, were found dead in their bunker. Cause of death is suspected to be suicide. American military leaders were also apprehended and are expected to be put on trial for using nuclear weapons and other war crimes.”