Not if you think nothing of the institution of marriage. If marriage is intentionally used as a tool there isn’t likely to be a moral dilemma for the person wielding it.

No, just so long as the person you’re marrying is clear on the reasons you’re marrying for. That was the main reason people got married until well into the 20th century.

Happens all the time in many cultures. Is it bad? Not if the couple gets along and works cooperatively. Look at all the arranged marriages that work out okay and sometimes end in great love, even if they didn’t begin that way, (while many that begin with being ‘in love’ end in divorce).

I wouldn’t say it’s bad, but don’t expect to be happy in the relationship.

Yes, it’s bad, it creates a sham marriage, you take vows you don’t mean, it’s a lie to the man you marry, etc. etc. etc.

People should get married because they love each other, and want to be together forever. Not for social, or financial gain.

Yes look at the whores it made out of ancient kings and queens.

Yes, but in the past, that was the normal reason for marriage. Like slavery.

No. In some cultures marriage is about financial connections and status. It isn’t my experience or my preference but it obviously works in many arranged marriage situations.

If you look at this from a cold & calculating viewpoint, then no it isn’t.
In the animal kingdom females will seek out the dominant alpha male in order to procure healthy offspring.
Of course we human animals are way too sophisticated for such shenanigans….aren’t we?

@ragingloli Slaverly was never normal. It was always imposed by leaders claiming divine powers or backed up with a lot of $ and hence control. The human spirit is too strong to not know what sadness was. Even as babies the innate ability demonstrates the fact that we learn and recognize facial emotions very early on.

@whitecarnations Slavery was pretty standard throughout most of history. Sure, you often had to be of a higher class to actually afford slaves, but it wasn’t a moral issue, especially when not in the form of mass economic slavery. There were some minor moral issues over just how harshly a master should treat his (or very rarely, her) slaves, or what are considered valid venues for obtaining slaves, but the idea that owning slaves in any way is immoral is only a few centuries old. Nor have all leaders, including those who allowed for slavery, claimed divine right, much less divine powers.

Yes ,what about emotional support in marriage,what about the child born into a loveless marriage. It can only be a negative selfish move and a rather cold to even contemplate.
Thats my thoughts…......... so when is the the big day? I love a good old knees up no matter what the reasons ! Is it a free bar ? Can we have volovants with chicken and mushroom stuffing ?

In order to have a happy, successful, long term marriage .. it’s necessary to marry for love and mutual respect. No amount of money or status is going to keep a marriage going forever. Look at so many Hollywood marriages or any marriages of high profile people.

‘Romantic marriage’ is a new social construct. Marriage for the social and power aspect went on for a much longer time in human history than ‘marrying for love’ has.

Bad? Interesting criterion, very subjective….oh well.

A marriage will fulfill the reasons for which is was consummated, and rarely any other.

A marriage for power or political reasons will usually satisfy the external reasons, but satisfy no ones internal reasons.

A marriage for the ‘right’ reasons (such as due to pregnancy) will satisfy those reasons, but not satisfy the persons involved.

A marriage for approval, satisfies the need for approval in the short term, but actually sabotages the approval in the mid and long term.

A marriage to a person solely based on lifelong growth potential and lifelong companionship based on the both members…is the closest most people get to a true soulmate.

The idea of ‘soul mate’ was actually a Hebrew concept, they had a word for it, I can’t remember it at the moment, but the word speaks to the rarity of finding a person that exactly matches or very nearly matches another.

Most people settle for ‘bad’ reasons for entering into marriage, they almost always get the short term reasons fulfilled, but all the other reasons they hope for they sabotage, or by momentum of previous choices don’t ever see.

One example comes to mind that I see all the time. A young male Marine and a young female Marine wish to get out of the Barracks, so they marry so that they can live out in town together and get an allowance to pay for rent and food.

Short term they get their goals met for the marriage, but they have nothing in common so the marriage kind of becomes a prison sentence, because when they meet someone they are interested in for long term needs they have to get divorced first. Then there is the constant fear of being caught and adjudicated

So I guess my question back to you is utilitarian in nature: Is it worth marrying the person? How many will it help? How many lives will be saved?

@noraasnave The word is Beshert.

People that marry for money earn it big time.

I’ve been married for 20+ years. I was lucky to marry the love of my life. However, I can’t disagree with the original question. In my opinion, a lasting marriage requires mutual respect, open communications, and similar expectations. My wife and I support each other. We work together to solve our issues and reach our goals. Romantic love is incredible, and it helps keep you bonded to each other. However, it is not nearly enough to sustain a lifelong commitment. I’ve known many couples who were madly in love, but had absolutely no business getting married.

Isn’t that what it mostly has been in our short existence lol?
I don’t think it’s bad, but it doesn’t seem very ethical.

there are many reasons to marry and some are more important to others. Doesn’t make it right or wrong. As long as both parties are aware of the reasons. Now it’s a totally different question if your tricking the person into believing you love them. Now that’s mean.

First marriage for money.
Second marriage for love.

If you’re a free person, then I don’t think it is bad to enter a marriage for any reason you freely choose. The question is, if you are under financial pressure, can you choose freely? On the other hand, if you are under financial pressure, and really see yourself as having no choice, then is it bad to do what you have to do?

Look. I’d rather be able to afford to make a choice for love. I recognize that not everyone can do that. If you can’t afford to do so, then I will not judge someone who must marry for money. And if you marry for money when you could afford not to, then don’t come to me for sympathy if things don’t turn out so well. You made your bed. Lie in it.

No not at all. There are many financially powerful socially centered people who I’m sure would prefer a partner who is comfortable in these high profile social settings.

Bad? No. Lonely? Yes.

@annewilliams5 Just curious, why would you say lonely?

You know, you can have respect and trust and communication without romantic love. Like how you do in friendships? And social power/financial reasons would include marrying a best friend whom you didn’t love romantically so you two could get tax breaks or one of you could get health insurance for a chronic illness, so that you could pool finances and buy a home, or a best friend who needed a green card… Not all non-romantic marriages are some Anna Nicole Smith stuff. And not all marriages (romantic and otherwise) are monogamous.

As it has been said by others in this forum…Money is a reason the marry. Love is also a reason to marry. If one or the other is not present, there are problems. Love can, if it is lasting, bond two people so that no matter what happens it can be resolved, with work. And it has often been said that money does not buy happiness or love. My husband and I have been married pretty close to 25 years, money has come up as an issue a few times, but never love. We have seen our family through many problems, and we have never felt alone in any of it. Money’s nice, but love will see you through everything.

It would be “bad” for me in that I don’t think I’d be happy, but it has seemed to work out for a lot of other people over the years.

@annewilliams5 Love is not enough. http://www.myspace.com/music/player?sid=20364209&ac=now

@cazzie No it’s not enough. There’s the work you have to do, on those days when it’s hard to feel it.

@Aethelflaed We don’t know it was standard for a fact. Standard is the notion of what was accepted by someone/society. But slavery is against ones own will which indicates non acceptance. Instead tyranny and oppression was obviously apparent. The sadness isn’t documented by the peasants because they weren’t literate. Therefore the power must have stayed in the upper class and the black and white of their story telling is obviously biased. There is two sides to everything and when the majority of people enslaved were illiterate we are as the reader not going to get the whole balanced story. I don’t know why you feel you had to reiterate the latter part of your statement, I didn’t limit leadership to only divine right.

@annewilliams5 I cannot disagree with you there but you clearly imply that to marry into power/social/financial issues is not bad but lonely. I live and work around very powerful, financially blessed and socially inclined people and they are anything but lonely, sad or miserable. In fact they are some of the happiest people I have met. I am actually quite surprised by all this too. I would have thought exactly as you did had I not seen this for my own eyes.

@annewilliams5 yep. I married for love and am lonely as hell. Does anecdotal evidence count?

Some people get married just for the hell of it. A lot of people today hold more value for money and items than they do for love. For them, it’s a lot easier to replace love than it is a BMW.
Social power means absolutely nothing to me and I will not settle for marrying for money. I’ve been married once and nothing less than a deep, passionate love will I marry again for. Is it wrong to marry for social power or wealth? Nope, not if that’s what you want and can wake up every morning next to.
I could never do it, though.

@cazzie Always. I feel bad for you. You married for the reasons, other than love, that you wanted in place at the time. It doesn’t make it wrong, lonely yes, not wrong. If you find it’s unbarable, than another path will always be open. I got lucky, and my husband is a good man. We visited the possibility of whether marriage was the track we wanted, a couple of times. Not admitting that would not be admitting that we’re human. The difference, that made it for us, was a couple of highly stressed situations, that fortunately pulled us together, not apart. We handled it the way we needed to. Is what we did to keep our marriage together right for everyone? No, it’s not. Power and money, also didn’t have anything to do with pulling us apart or holding us together. Only you can establish what you can live with. You have to make decisions based on the whole picture of you and your situation. I’m so sorry you are lonely. I get so wrapped up in the partnership, I have, I hate it when others are not as happy.