My sister and I hired a lovely woman to do the daily and hands-on chores for my mother during the last few years of her life.
My sis and I did the emotional heaving lifting, the medical oversight, the bi-weekly shopping and visiting, little trips out for a drive or lunch; my brother-in-law did the finances, taxes, bookkeeping and contact with lawyers and CPA.
The housekeeper oversaw the showers and shampoos, nail cutting, tidying up, supervision of exercise and hygiene and wardrobe, breakfast and personal laundry.
So my mother had a staff of four.
I live in a community where there are lots of us who are aging. The fit help the unfit, when and if they need it. For example, a friend of mine whose two adult sons are not nearby, just had knee replacement. We all pitched in and brought meals, pushed a vacuum and even emptied the cat’s litter box and watered plants. The medical team provided a visiting nurse, physical therapy and other support.
I drove her to her follow-up medical appointments. She bought me ice cream. A good deal.
Of course, we still have all our marbles. And my friend was able to be her own advocate. But we are there for each other.
I would not expect my daughter to move in with me. Sometimes it is much easier to have a kind stranger take care of one’s very personal needs.