Fluther: Have you ever been really irritated by someone who reminds you ...

Have you ever been really irritated by someone who reminds you a lot of yourself?

Asked by OpryLeigh (25305

) April 19th, 2013
19 responses
“Great Question” (4

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I am currently working with a girl who I find incredibly irritating. I wouldn’t say I dislike her because she is a nice girl who means well but she annoys me to the point where sometimes I have to keep my distance from her to avoid being short with her.

The weird thing is, she actually reminds me of all the things I like about myself. We have one very big thing in common and have a similar way of working, some of her mannerisms are even similar to my own. If someone described her to me before I knew her, I would have put money on me being her biggest fan but instead I find myself wishing she would go away. I could understand if our faults were similar as you could say that she reminds me of the things I don’t like about myself but it’s completely the opposite. Any thoughts?

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Answers

I’m in a similar position, and I think it’s because we like to think we’re unique.

KNOWITALL (29690

)“Great Answer” (3

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Yeah, my son…chip off the old block :-)

ucme (50047

)“Great Answer” (1

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@KNOWITALL Good point! I never thought of it that way!

OpryLeigh (25305

)“Great Answer” (1

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Also, if someone is a lot like you, they may also have a lot of the same flaws you don’t like about yourself. Who wants to see someone else wearing your own dirty laundry? Also, maybe you have some flaw you think nobody notices. Then you see someone with the same flaw—and you notice it right away. Maybe there’s a little voice inside that says “Man, is this how people react when they see ME?”

keobooks (14322

)“Great Answer” (5

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@keobooks At this point I have noticed any of the things I dislike about myself in her, this is why it’s so strange. If that were the case then it would be perfectly understandable. Unless I am noticing something subconsciously maybe?!

OpryLeigh (25305

)“Great Answer” (0

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You mean like my son. Yeah! He can be a real a**hole sometimes! I see way too much of myself in him.

rojo (24179

)“Great Answer” (2

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@Leanne1986 I think you just hit on it. You’re picking it up subconsciously. It’s in there but not to were you’re really aware of it. Maybe focusing on it and thinking it through will help you deal with it. I’ve always really enjoyed your answers on here, so I’d be surprised that you would dislike someone similar to you.

Adirondackwannabe (36713

)“Great Answer” (3

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What I mean is that sometimes positive parts of your personality can have negative stuff tacked onto it. For instance. You may both be very enthusiastic in the same way. It’s positive when you go “SQUEE!!!” over something. But when she does the exact same thing, it’s a bit grating. It may have never occurred to you that a loud “SQUEE!!” could be seen as annoying.

It’s like looking at yourself in a magnifying mirror first thing in the morning. You may have liked your face all your life, but when you suddenly see it at 5x magnified, it looks ugly for some reason. All those flaws you never noticed stand out.

You can also get that effect when you hear your voice recorded and played back the first time. “Man do I really sound that weird?” Even though there isn’t really anything weird with your voice, it just doesn’t sound right when you hear your voice as another person might hear it.

I don’t think it has to be conscious. I think subconsciously, that stuff can just rub you the wrong way.

keobooks (14322

)“Great Answer” (3

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woah, looks like i’m in the bad books ~

ucme (50047

)“Great Answer” (1

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Maybe you’re in love with her.

ninjacolin (14246

)“Great Answer” (2

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I was in a HS psychology class (yes HS had great classes in the ‘70’s this counted towards social studies) and we learned that you hate most in others what you hate most in yourself.
That always stuck with me and now, whenever I find myself getting really angry at someone I look at myself to see what it is about me that I am trying to stuff.

Judi (40025

)“Great Answer” (2

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You want to be the only you in the workplace.

marinelife (62485

)“Great Answer” (3

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I’ve never met anyone like me but I’m guessing I would irritate myself if I did. @Leanne1986 Interesting question, it made me think a lot.

Adirondackwannabe (36713

)“Great Answer” (2

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Yeah, smart but flakey people annoy the shit out of me. And I’m one of them.

bookish1 (13159

)“Great Answer” (2

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If you don’t see any of the same flaws, but you see mostly the same things in her, that you like about yourself, you may be worried/jealous, that she is more you than you, or that she is a better version of what you would like to be.

You may like a lot of the same things and do things with a similar mindset, but maybe you perceive her to be a little bit smarter, a little bit quicker, a little bit better at everything she does. Try to embrace her, instead of being irritated by her (unless you think/know she is actively trying to compete with you). You 2 could end up being a dynamic duo : )

Kardamom (33294

)“Great Answer” (6

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“If you spot it, you’ve got it,” goes the saying, and it’s certainly been true for me, especially in work situations.

Pachy (18610

)“Great Answer” (1

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When I find I’m annoyed by someone and think about why I’m annoyed, it’s often something I don’t like in myself. Recognizing this makes it easier for me not to stay annoyed. Bossiness, in particular. I fight it in myself, but friends are easier to forgive because I do fight it myself. Thoughtlessness and grumpiness also annoy me, but I do not think are part of my personality. But I’d better watch out. It could be, and I never noticed it

Sunny2 (18842

)“Great Answer” (0

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