My first wedding was an elopement in November. We had been together for nearly 4 years, and planned to marry once I was done with Grad. School, but I got pregnant while on the pill. $20.00 for the certificate and $20.00 for the officiant. My mother sewed me a teal dress and we bought him a new sport jacket. We took a long weekend driving the Blue Ridge Highway in Virginia as our ‘honeymoon’. After our son was born in May, we had a big barbecue and had all our family and friends to celebrate the marriage and birth. That was perfectly suited for our personalities, as neither of us liked being the center of attention.
The marriage lasted about 6 years because despite all his promises, he never did quit drinking, and only got worse. It had been a tempestuous relationship all along, and we both had major baggage from childhood abuse and neglect. Neither of us was emotionally stable, and he was an addict on top of that. We divorced when my son was almost 5, and he was 7 when his father died of liver failure. It was tragic, and yet a relief; because he had become so unstable that I feared for my safety and my son’s, as well.
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On a much happier note, I am engaged now. My son is in his early 20s and still unsure about whether or not to attend college; so we are waiting to marry until he is sure that he won’t go to college, or until he is over the age where financial aid services require the parent’s income to be considered (if a parent is remarried, they consider the joint income; and I don’t think my fiancé should be obligated to pay tuition for a kid who was already 18 and out of High School when we met).
My fiancé and I were friends first and talked about the seriousness and commitment we wanted before we even went on our first date, so marriage is not likely to have much impact. We have been together for 4 years and living together for 3 years, and my son lives here, too. We already consider ourselves married, and most people we encounter assume that we are. I didn’t change my name the first time, and I do not plan to change it ever – so even that will be the same. We are both very laid-back and introverted, so we have no interest in having a flashy event for a wedding. It will most likely be a small gathering of friends and family over a good meal.