Never. I’m still in the dark.

When I divorced 12 years ago. I was on a major personal growth jag and boy, was it enlightening. I blossomed like crazy, experienced many amazing insights and found an incredible sense of inner peace and joy that surpasseth all understanding. haha.
Realizing we are already whole and complete and do not need anything outside ourselves to experience deep joy and contentment in our being. It was a major high that lasted a full 6 years. Wowza!

Just now, the wife’s attempting to cook dinner #kitchenablaze :(

When I finally acquired an object and honest ability to view myself.

It’s humbling and embarrassing. It’s also very funny.

In this, the third act in my life, a few glimmers have begun to appear, which puts me in mind of a great Bob Seger line, “Wish I didn’t know now what I didn’t know then.”

I think I’m still waking up in some areas of my life. I think ‘waking up’ is a cumulative thing – you keep learning and evolving.

I do recall after my first marriage broke up and I’d been dating for a while, realising what I wanted from a relationship and determining that I wasn’t prepared to ‘settle’. I seemed to have a clearer understanding of what I wanted from a partner and having a sort of epiphany about ‘who’ I wanted to be with. From that point on, I didn’t waste time dating people who clearly didn’t fit that vision. I don’t mean things like, ‘he must be taller than…’ or ‘must be a doctor’. It was more about their self-awareness, esteem and their emotional intelligence.

When I de-converted from Catholicism. My whole world view changed. I started having identity issues as I felt I had become a totally different person. And I don’t believe I’ve worked out my “deepest” issues yet, either.

I’m trying to remember the rate at which the changes occurred…This 2nd-order derivative isn’t an easy computation. I know it didn’t happen in an instant. I think I started off by looking into other Christian denominations. Then I ditched all of it when I read the Bible Genesis to Apocalypse, but still pretended to be religious (I remember altar serving and thinking it was all a joke). I stopped pretending once I moved out of my parents’ house and felt able to think more freely, causing myself to finally settle with atheism. But, I’m still open to a spiritual side.

I don’t recall ever seeing the light. It seems like the darkness lifted so slowly I did not even realize I was seeing until it appeared to me that others did not see what I saw or think how I thought.

I was 23 when I realized that I possibly might never get married. A tough pill to swallow since my mother always told us (her children) that we would some day.

I saw the light when my mom had difficulty with simple tasks. Like standing baffled before a door that did not open when you push. If you pull, the door opens easily.

My mom was always my smartest friend. I could always depend on her for practical advice.

Now I have to look out for her.

When I created it.

When I finally accepted myself for being different. I knew no one is the same and it isn’t a crime for thinking differently. I find myself more tolerant and open-minded, and has a more positive view to life.

When I began crowning.

The first time I tried acid. Or when I started making less money and understood why people were so frugal.

When the car hit me.