Let’s not forget how much interest we have in seeing that the rules are followed by others. If we agree to a common set of rules, there are constraints on the behavior of our neighbors. The rules also help us interpret others’ behavior and intent. We feel safer when we’re operating within the same framework as that of others around us, when we know what their words and actions signify, and when we know what limits they observe.
Following the rules ourselves can be seen as keeping our part of a bargain that ultimately safeguards our own comfort and security.
One of the cultural disconnects of our time seems to be how many people think they’re exempt from these implicit bargains—that they don’t have to observe the rules on their side, even though they expect others to. (I enjoy movies with “maverick” heroes as much as anyone—but how are they influencing people’s thinking?)
I also see this as a downside of multiculturalism; it would be unrealistic to say that there is none. If we follow certain rules, it stands to reason that we think they’re important in some way. And so we don’t like it when somebody else defies or simply ignores them. Not only does that go against our sense of how things ought to be but, for some, it also calls into question the validity of the rules themselves and may shake their own faith or beliefs. If the rules matter (and especially if they allegedly came from a divinity), how come those other guys don’t have to follow them? They must be bad, crazy, heathen.
When you don’t know what your neighbors’ behavior means, when you don’t know what they expect from you or how they interpret your behavior—when you don’t live by the same rules and don’t even know what each other’s rules are—you have a setup for serious conflict. It’s not hard to see why people retreat into “us” and “them” thinking. And what’s the biggest difference between us and them? We follow different rules.
This is also one reason why it can be so frightening to be around someone who is enraged, insane, or whacked out on drugs: their behavior is unpredictable and likely to go outside the rules we recognize, and then we’re very vulnerable in their presence. We don’t even know what rules they’re following, if any. And obeying the rules ourselves won’t protect us.