You had sex but “you shouldn’t be making out a lot” according to him? Something is ass-backwards here.

So you have a friends with benefits situation, you are having sex but not otherwise a committed couple.

In other words, he gets to orgasm without a relationship with someone he loves. Why would he want to kiss you?

I think you ought to consider a relationship with someone who wants to be with you, someone who wants to kiss you as part of having sex with you, and kiss you when hugging, too.

He does have feelings, I know that. He’s just like REALLY broke. That’s why he says he’s not ready.

Maybe he watched Pretty Woman one to many times.

Unless he thinks kissing is too personal, and he’s scared of getting too close because he’s scared of getting hurt? (I.e- If he was cheated on).

It also could be the lack of that type of intimacy drove his last girlfriend to cheat in the first place. You never know in situations like that just by speculating.

It doesn’t sound like he really has feelings to me. But I don’t know his side of the story.

Well you haven’t met him. Like ARE you kidding me stated- You never know in these situations. And you really never know a guys true intentions. And that’s only little information, so you don’t know.
There will always be people who don’t know what’s best, and who don’t know him for sure, and will try to talk you out of it.
And of course anything is a risk like i.e ending up with the wrong person, or two worst thinks that could happen: they get you knocked up either on purpose or accident. Or not reapecting boundaries. But those are all just hypotheticals.

Maybe he knows he has bad breath.

^^and it could actually be that simple

Botttom line is you never know someones true intentions, only the person who knows them knows. Even then you never know, and you never know what someone is really thinking, or what someone will do in the moment, if they get mad. People will play games, and what not.
And might even fake feelings, and jealousy.

@Anonymous05 Which is all a good reason not to get too emotionally involved until you know them quite well.

And reading your details over again, it sounds like he feels that kissing indicates more of a relationship commitment than having sex does.

Should I call him out for lying next time he says he cares, or shows emotion?

I wouldn’t but you can have an honest talk with him about what you want and then decide whether you’re going to have it with him or not.

I just don’t understand how the ex got a RELATIONSHIP with him, if he treats me weird sometimes. I saw what she looked like, and she doesn’t look as good as me.

His side of the story is he’s not finantually stable.

Oh lord, really? You have allowed your self to be in a situation where this guy is having sex with you, but you are not in a relationship. Got that? You are not in a relationship with him. He is banging you like a prostitute only you’re not getting paid, at least I don’t think you’re getting paid, because that would make you a prostitute.

He has no feelings for you. He is using you for sex. You are letting him use you for sex. Sex is all he wants from you, and as long as you give it to him, that’s what he will continue to want. He has no other emotional feelings for you.

His claim about not being ready to be in a relationship is bullshit. He doesn’t want to be in a relationship with you. He is having sex with your body, that’s it.

I can’t imagine wanting to kiss somebody that I wasn’t dating or in a relationship with, nor would I want to be in a “friends with benefits” type of situation, because I think it’s gross. Other people might not think it’s gross, but for me, that is a very terrible situation to be in.

Now, you can either continue to be in a FWB situation with this guy, or you can walk away from him. He’s not going to be your boyfriend.

Financial stability is also a bullshit line he is feeding you. There are plenty of poor people who have boyfriends and girlfriends and wives and husbands. This guy does not have romantic feelings towards you. He likes fucking you, and that’s all.

I’m not trying to hurt your feelings. I have come across too many women like you, who are so desperate for a particular man’s attention, that they will do just about anything to get it, even when that man does not love them, or even like them, and has no romantic feelings towards them. I’ve heard every justification in the book, so what you have been saying is not like some revelation, or some exciting new “way to be in a relationship.” You are just like hundreds and thousands of other young women who don’t value themselves enough to find a good guy, or to be able to live a happy life without a man. It’s sad and I hope you are able to wake up and see this for what it is, and move on and start valuing yourself and trying to have better relationships with decent people, rather than continuing on with this shitty guy. And I know he’s shitty, because you’ve told us how shitty he is.

So what your saying is the situation is ending up with the wrong person?

And no. He said he has feelings.

My brain hurts. So is he the hottest guy who wants you? I mean why else would you even care anymore. Sounds like he’s hung up on his subpar ex & doesnt deserve a hottie like you to just be a receptacle when he wants. Come on Beyonce, shine bright like a diamond, dont be someones cubic zirconia…geesh.

It seems most relationships like that end in the guy not caring until they accidentally knock the girl up.

Is he asking you for money and are you giving him money?

@Anonymous All I’m saying is there are guys who will treat you like a princess if thats what you want. Do you know how many women wish they hadnt slept with immature little boys is hs when they find a real man who knows what he’s doing? Just don’t waste yourself on losers or ppl who don’t appreciate the gift of yourself. When ur older you’ll see it’s just a waste of time & dangerous. It really does sound like he’s trying to be nice & let you know he’s just not that into you.

@KNOWITALL – I can kind of see what your saying, not that he’s not into me, he’s just proving he’s not the right one for me, the way he’s acting. And it can be dangerous, because he won’t be the type to respect boundaries (which can put someone in a dangerous situation), and because of course there’s the risk of becoming baby mama to the wrong man. But no girl thinks that those severe consequence will actually happen to them, and I think that is one of the reasons most girls stay.

@Chyna – No, he hasn’t asked for that yet.

@Anonymous05 You’re fooling yourself.

It’s kind of like you telling your kid brother that the first day of school is not scary. He just has to see himself. But you know it was insignificant in your life now that you’re older. That’s how your crush is, in five years you’ll be mad you even spent ten minutes thinking about this guy probably. These guys when ur young are just practice, try not to catch feelings & protect your body, future & bank acct.

How old are you @Anonymous05 if you don’t mind me asking?

18

^And I’m the king of England…

He could be playing you. How old is he?
“I’m too poor to have a relationship with you.” Really? Red flags all over the place.

He is 21. And i’ve seen his place, he lives in a studio apt, and has a baby mama who is now married to someone else, and who cheated on him when he was 18.
If he lives in a studio, then how would he be able to take someome on a date? And if he treats me that way, he will do the same to others. Cause i’m no different then any other girl. So I don’t think that’s just playing, you have to have a way to provide, before making a comittment.

Or I could be not seeing all the red flags. Becuae i’m sure any guy can take on a relationship, even if they take the girl out to a $5 movie or something. Sometimes you don’t sed it, unless you look at it from an outside prospective, but you have to have enough info, in order to form an opinion. There are most guys who will just take and take. And then leave as soon as they find out the girl is pregnant, then some guys who are good, and there are women who will get what they want too. But I also am curious, on how the ex got treated so perfectly, if he treats me like he doesn’t care at times.

Why do you think the ex got treated so perfectly? She cheated on him for a reason. She’s his ex for a reason.
It seems you have already made up your mind about this and don’t want to believe what we think. It’s ok but at the first sign that YOU recognize that he doesn’t want a commitment or is just using you for sex, leave him.

Yeah, that’s true. I guess if he lived with her, instead of marrying her, showes there was no real comittment. And @ Kardamom – Thank you for your rude remarks, but I think I have a lot more expierence then you because “dating,” isn’t the same as it was when you were young, it’s not nessesarly, that he’s looking for hook ups, it’s just the #1 thing on guys minds is sex, and most guys expect sex before the commitment. And let me explain something to you- everyone has feelings, but mens feelings work different then girls because women are the reciver. And you are not a mind reader. He also showed emotions in front of me, when I was about to end things with him one time, and like I said HE has told me he has feelings for me. I’m sure he has feelings for the women he’s involved with, and he will treat me the same way as any other girl because generally what people do to you, they do to others. And he is not a robot, he has emotions. Also, DO NOT define my RELATIONSHIP, or what he wants. And do not guess the future.

I came here to have all my suspicions validated. I was right.

I ask a lot about it, becaue what MY FRIENDS have said about my situation sounds bad, and I struggle to see what they are seeing. So I try to get opinions, and perspectives on every single detail.

”... if he treats me like he doesn’t care at times.” He’s playing games with your head. Assholes pull this crap to make you feel insecure/unworthy. It’s a trick to make you want him more. This pattern is actually pretty common with abusive (physically, emotionally and/or sexually abusive) guys who try to manipulate and control their partners.

You’re only 18, move on and find a decent guy without the drama. I promise you there are millions of decent dudes out there who aren’t broke, don’t play games with your head and, who don’t have baby mamas out there.

Not that having a kid is a bad thing, it just depends how the guy treats the girl. But I guess I could see, he is also putting me at risk, if he’s broke and already had a kid. That would be bad, if there was another one. So I should try, and get away from
that, or be careful with him.

I mean at times he treats me that way, then other times he seems caring, and wants to see if i’m ok.

@Anonymous05 I’m guessing you’re not familiar with the cycle of abuse.

I’m familar with it, but this guy is not abusive. He’s just flakey.

@Anonymous05 Sorry to be blunt, but if you’re not using really good birth control, you sound flaky too.

@gorillapaws has it right, at any rate. Plenty of fish in the sea. If you are 18 and need to ask people this kind of questions you should already know what the end result will be.

Also what kind of retard has a kid and a baby mama at 21 lol.