Fluther: Will you think about the pros and cons before confronting your ...

Will you think about the pros and cons before confronting your spouse?

) October 10th, 2018
11 responses
“Great Question” (1

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You are a permanent housewife (or a househusband). One day, one of your kid get naughty and caused a problem inside the house, your husband (or wife), who is the only witness of the scene, got angry, grabbed a belt, and whip your kid with it. You got home and see your kid whimpering in his room. Your spouse told you what happened. There’s no bleeding but some whipping marks are rather evident on his skin. Your spouse said “this is how my parents discipline their children. This is how I was brought up”. You soothe your kid and think about confronting your spouse. Suddenly, the reality hit your head and you know you have to act in a smart way in your situation. If you confront him and he got angry you’ll inevitably have conflict with him and there might be consequences you’ll have to pay. You fear that he might make excuses to delay/decrease your regular household allowances, that he might not be generous anymore to buy you a nice handbag (or other things you want) the next time you both go shopping, or it could be “I don’t feel like having sex with you anymore cuz you piss me off” issue or other unwanted outcome that crossed your head.

You also think about the pros. Maybe it’ll be fine to just overlook this issue. Maybe your kid has finally learned his lesson and this will never happen again. His pain will go away and his skin marks will eventually heal. There’s no need to cause a crack in your relationship with your spouse. You and your children have much to risks and you don’t want this one issue to jeopardize all the benefits you have been getting up until now. You have to think about the future and the good thing in the long run. What will you decide to do? Will you be impulsive and confront your spouse right away? Or will you act smart, weigh the pros and cons, and think of a solution with the most benefit? Tell us your honest reaction.

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Topics: decision, relationships, household, children, problem, conflict, spouses, pros and cons

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Answers

This is the sort of thing that responsible people talk about before having children. So if this is how you discover your spouse’s approach to discipline, you’ve already messed up pretty badly.

SavoirFaire (28842

)“Great Answer” (6

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… If you confront him and he got angry you’ll inevitably have conflict with him and there might be consequences you’ll have to pay. You fear that he might make excuses to delay/decrease your regular household allowances, that he might not be generous anymore to buy you a nice handbag (or other things you want) the next time you both go shopping,

If one lives in fear of reaction like that, you aren’t a spouse, you’re a hostage servant.

Physical assault upon a child (or anyone else) is grounds for separating them permanently, and also reporting to police.

zenvelo (39430

)“Great Answer” (6

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In this scenario, I would be making a plan to get away from this person, with my child, and file for divorce.

Kardamom (33294

)“Great Answer” (5

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Sorry I am going to say it,THANK GOD WE NEVER HAD KIDS.
I would view the crime scene and then deem if the punishment fit the crime.

SQUEEKY2 (23123

)“Great Answer” (1

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Uh. No. I’d be leaving this person, who is an abusive control freak, in my dust, and taking the child with me. I wouldn’t even say anything about this situation, I’d just start planning, and hiding and hoarding money.

Dutchess_III (46815

)“Great Answer” (4

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I’d choose the handbag.
~

rebbel (35549

)“Great Answer” (2

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On second thought, I would say something about this situation. I’d say, “If you ever lay a hand on our child again I will press charges.” Then I would start planning for the divorce. I wouldn’t care if he cut off my allowance, and I sure wouldn’t care if he didn’t want to have sex with me again (because he would be so loathsome to me by now,) I wouldn’t care about any of that as I was planning to get out.

Dutchess_III (46815

)“Great Answer” (3

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First number one is the safety of the child as you are supposed to be his protector as a Mother.
Leaving marks on a child and whipping is abuse and should not be tolerated.
There are better ways of handling problems than by hitting a defenseless child.
If you confront yu husband what if HE tries that on you?
Get out out that situation NOW as it is not safe your neither you nor the child.
If that is how your husband was treated as a child that was THEN and presently one does NOT resort to those tactics ANYMORE.
Your husband has become like his own abusive father was and now has transferred that onto your son who very well may carry that practice onto his own children.
Put a stop to this treatment NOW as it could save another child in the present and the future.

Inspired_2write (14486

)“Great Answer” (3

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Contact my mother for a temporary place to stay, or sister.
Call up a lawyer for divorce, see what else I can do
destroy him
Leave his ass wondering what happened
I agree with @SavoirFaire this is all stuff that needs to be discussed before having kids and potentially before getting married.

SergeantQueen (12874

)“Great Answer” (4

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I seriously doubt that anyone would come out and say, “Oh, I’ll beat the shit out of the kids with a belt if I have to.” You’d be better off carefully watching his interactions with his family, if at all possible.

Dutchess_III (46815

)“Great Answer” (2

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@Dutchess_III Talking about Corporal Punishment in general not abuse

SergeantQueen (12874

)“Great Answer” (1

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