I think maybe it’s just a little too hard right now, dear @mangeons, with the recent loss of Auggie.

Being able to witness and share in the wonderful memories of Gary’s (whatthefluther’s) proposal to Sherry.

@Gailcalled was my motivator in a lot of things in life. She would send me private messages and ask about my family, job and life. She made me strive to have or at least think about better grammar. I learned a lot about cats from her, too. Oh, and when I told her that I usually had a poptart for dinner, she got onto me about Poptarts having no redeeming nutritional value. I haven’t had one since.
I met Auggie in real life. She was fun, funny and I’m so glad to have met her. She always took the time to ask me about how I was doing, give advice and just listen. For as much pain she was in at all times, she still got through the days and somehow added humor.
Whatthefluther (Gary) sent me a hand made pipe and I sent him a hand made stained glass unicorn, like his avatar. I remember @mangeons asked something, I don’t remember what now, and either Gary or I said something to the affect of “holler down the hall and ask your mom, Auggie.” Both Gary and I went with that line for a couple more answers. @mangeons finally came back with “I’m at my dad’s”. Many, many pm’s between me and Gary saying OMG, what have we done? Do you think she’s mad? Do you think we hurt her feelings? @mangeons came back to the thread with “hey guys, it’s all good. No big deal.” @mangeons was wise beyond her years.

I have more stories, but will let others answer.

@chyna Gail gave me crap for eating Cheerios. I miss her so much. It would take me forever to respond to her messages because I was worried my grammar would be horrible. I was very careful when responding to her. I looked up to her so much. I appreciated her corrections.

@gailcalled helped me when the first of my children was in the process of choosing a college. She gave invaluable information. She then repeated her help when another child was searching. I valued her input a great deal. We also traded emails about grief, and she sent me a book of poetry. I remember a compliment she gave me for an answer to a question here, and it felt so good.

It’s too soon for me to write about @augustlan.

I had very many wonderful conversations with @Adirondack over the years.

One thing in particular he told me was that people on this site can push buttons you didn’t even know you had.

And he is the only person I’ve ever allowed to chastise me and took it to heart, because there was mutual respect and he PM’d, showing that he cared and respected my feelings as well. He meant a lot to me.

@mangeons I wish more people would say something wonderful about your Mom. I know that’s what you want. When my mother passed away five years ago she didn’t have services. She was cremated and that was the end of it. I didn’t have the luxury of those expressing their love for her during a funeral. Very few people helped me during this time and your mother was one of them. Lisa was selfless. I’m so sorry for your loss. Please know your mother is appreciated and remembered fondly.

@mangeons I write a little blog and share it on FB. Your mother faithfully read my posts and took the time to let me know. It was such a little thing but so important to me. Your mother let me share about myself on the blog on this site, and it was fun! I really enjoyed that. I even added a picture of myself in drag. The post had to be taken down, because that picture ended up out on the wider internet where it didn’t belong, but it was fun.

@Aethelwine— (and everyone else) Thank you so much for sharing and for your kind words.

While her passing is, of course, what inspired this thread, it’s about more than just her. This is such a unique community of devastatingly brilliant, funny, thoughtful, and insightful people. It’s rare that you find that online, especially these days, and I feel grateful to have been a part of Fluther in its heyday, even being as young as 13!

The amount of “old timers” that gathered in the aftermath made me realize that we have the power to let them live on through our unique memories and experiences with them— memories that people who knew them in real life might know nothing about. I just think it would be a shame for those to be lost. <3

I needed some time to think about this, and I’m still thinking now.

Here’s two.

Adirondackwannabe encouraged me to keep writing at a time when I really needed that outlet. He kept sending me messages, simply refuting all my self-doubt and calling me “kiddo”. He was so kind. I was dealing with my parents’ divorce (not fun, even as an adult), and he helped me focus on other things.

When Gail died, one of Fluther’s servers (fittingly) went down. The rest of the moderation team were on vacation and/or working in their real jobs. I was all alone, very reluctant to bother Ben, and completely overwhelmed by all the concerned messages and posts of frustration.

Lisa jumped straight back into action, contacting anybody who might be able to help. Then she wrote a post, something like “Please bear with longgone and be patient…she’s sort of on her own at the moment.”

That really touched me. Lisa was grieving herself, but she sensed that I had too much on my plate, and she was there to help until the issue was resolved.

One question here that I think about a lot was this one from @augustlan.

It’s not so much the question itself, it was her honest answers and follow ups throughout. It’s so obvious she loves you girls so much. That has really stuck with me and helped me understand how my mom had wrestled with balancing letting her children grow and protecting them from a world we’re all at least a little unprepared for.

10 years later, I think about it in terms of my own daughters and my super social oldest, who I’ve already caught myself worrying about being too open and growing up too fast.

That question taught me there’s no right answers, everyone has their own way. Your mom taught me it’s ok to worry, you just need to explain why and remember to teach the lesson while you’re keeping them safe. Most of all it taught me to always remember to love them and that will come through to the world and hopefully to your kids.

It’s fair to say she made me a better parent by loving you guys so obviously, and by being herself.

@mangeons Did you get to see all the nice things people said about your mom in our high school groups on Facebook?

My favorite memory of @auggie was that she told me a great memory of us in high school. I wrote this on another Q. She found me on Facebook, and she told me that some idiot boy was being mean to her, and I told her to forget that he was an ass. It made her feel better at the time, and it made me feel good that I was that bold as a young person. I don’t even remember it. I was glad she liked what I said, and it cracked me up to hear the story.

@auggie was amazingly candid, and many times her willingness to share helped me. Especially with some medical things.

@Pdworkin I found incredibly interesting. He helped me a lot when my sister and I were not getting along.

@Adorondackwannabe was so nice. One thing I remember was something he didn’t do for me, I think it was for Dutchess. He sent her real maple syrup.