Yes, I absolutely did. I was born out of wedlock in a small town and as I grew up, my mother was honest with me about the relationship and what happened and that my father wanted an abortion. And she did not want to marry him after that discussion, so she didn’t.
I was very angry for a long time, at her, at him, at not knowing my half-siblings, and I took matters into my own hands around age 18. I met my half sibs and went behind my bio-dad’s back to do so. I had expressed my anger in letters a few times to him, asking what kind of human and Christian he was, basically searching for ‘why’ he refused to be part of my life.
Around age 37, I wrote him a letter of forgiveness, wishing him well for his life and told him I was done chasing the dream of having him and my half-sibs be a part of my life. It helped me release my anger and I decided to chase my own dreams, like being part of govt and a few other things that I never felt ‘good enough’ to do before. I put myself out there with 1000% confidence, knowing I could do anything.
Does it affect my life today? Sadly yes. It still makes me nervous when i see him in the store and he turns his back on me. It still makes me nervous when I pass his wife in the library with not even a smile. Only my close friends and family (and you guys) knows how much it affects me emotionally to be rejected for 46 years over something I had nothing to do with, and certainly no blame.
My professional life has pretty well given me the confidence to pretend none of it matters, but inside, I know it does and always will.