Nightmares. Amazingly vivid nightmare and I often end up dying at the end of a gun or nuclear bomb.
We are talking Hollywood production quality nightmares.
The thing is the nightmares would go away but I don’t want them to so I do a thing to keep them coming back because I love them so much.
I had a panic attack in the radiation machine on my fifth day of radiation. I just lost my shit and they had to stop the machine and pull me out and it took around 30 minutes for me to regain my composure. And that freakout started because my knee itched and my head was strapped down and I couldn’t do anything about the itch and it became unbearable and then I felt like I was drowning. And I was in a big loud machine shooting concentrated beams of radiation at my face.
So my radiologist came to my rescue and gave me a prescription for the best thing ever, Ativan. Half a pill a hour before treatment and I was a cool cucumber. Towards the end I was just falling asleep in the machine.
Ativan is one of the best pills ever. But it does have a side-effect that some people might not like. When you stop taking them you get crazy fucking nightmares. But that goes away after a week of stopping. So I take a Ativan every Sunday to keep the nightmares going because I love them.