Trust me, I was addicted to drugs on and off for 25 years, and alcohol for 35 – treatment, inpatient, the whole deal many times, and it began just because I wanted to ‘check out’ from the world for a while and get a little numb. I didn’t start with coke, meth and acid, but that’s where it led me, because getting a little numb from legal meds doesn’t work after a while. I feel like I’ve lost my life, like it’s been pretty much a waste because I was drunk or high through the best years we have. I saw the !Rolling-fucking-Stones! and barely remember even being there. I took a 2 week vacation in the mind-bending beauty of Yellowstone and only remember bits and pieces of it, like the bison that walked past my rolled-down window so close that I could have touched it.
I’m not lecturing or criticizing. I’m simply relaying what happened to me. I started as a teenager who liked the feeling I got from pharmaceuticals, and my brain didn’t function correctly again until I’d been sober for about 6 months – in my late 40’s. Best years of my life were gone; I’d missed out on so much.
I apologize for coming across harshly in my earlier post and I didn’t intend to say you shouldn’t come here to ask questions. I was concerned that you needed help, but forums can only do so much. I don’t want you to later regret the decisions you’re making now. I know now that I had psych issues way back then, but my parents didn’t address them/see them, and I was just a kid. When I finally began getting psych help, I was still doing the drugs and alcohol, so the therapy didn’t really help, except for it probably kept me alive.
Based on posts you’ve written, I’d say you could benefit from therapy – actually, everyone can. I really hope you’ll find someone you can talk to. Peace.