@SergeantQueen No, don’t apologize. I like to let people know when something resonates with me, too.
The thing is, and I hope this is encouraging, you have so much time, even though I’m sure it feels like you have to do this and that and get things done so you can begin living. That’s how I felt anyway. Once I do this and that and the other. . .then I can begin my life. But I ended up being so busy making plans and trying to live, that I missed out on a lot and made soooo many bad choices. As the quote says, “Life isn’t a dress rehearsal.” Every decision you make starts you on a path, and sometimes once you’re on one path, you can’t change your mind and choose another, or at least not easily.
If you have any addiction in your family tree, you might want to rethink consuming any drugs/alcohol, because that screwed me up even more that the bipolar disorder and major depression.
I don’t feel like my life will ever be easy, but I am doing my best.
Then you’re doing great! Not many people’s lives are easy. But I know what you mean. My best advice is stay away from chemicals, and shoot for contented. Contentment is kind of like a soft fluffy cloud to lay on.