I don’t really know your details or how things are for you, or what Rolla is like, but if you have a daughter who wants you to move along with her, that sounds like a strong argument for considering doing that.

Sending this to KIA who lives in MO.

But my initial reaction is that if you are happy where you are, I wouldn’t consider moving. How far away is where you live now from where she’ll be?

Yeah, I was wondering how far away you would be from her if you didn’t move. And while it’s nice to be close to family, that doesn’t mean you have to pick up and rearrange your life because they are moving somewhere further away. I don’t know that much about Montana (at least I think that’s what MO stands for, as I’m not certain about states’ initials in some cases), but I would definitely check out what it would be like to live there. Not just if there’s going to be racism, especially regarding your marriage, but other issues too that might be concerning to you.

^^ MO is Missouri & MT is Montana.

I know some really nice people who live in Missouri…still the state is known for being very radically racist & that’s coming from someone who lives in a racist state. If I was in a mixed marriage, it’s one of the last places I’d move!!! At the same time, your daughter may have a valid reason for taking you 2 with her & we don’t know fully about that. I’d think long & hard before jumping into this one!!!

^^ It’s also a small town – pop. less than 20,000. So if it has a problem with racism, problems like that tend to be magnified in small towns.

I would suggest searching online for local or general area newspapers and reading them.

Why is she considering moving there? That’s an awfully specific place to want to move to.

Why not wait a bit and see? You don’t have to move exactly when she does. Give it six months or so and see how she’s doing on her own—and whether she’s going to enjoy being more independent some distance away from her parents. Maybe she won’t even like the place well enough to stay, and then you’d face another move.

Didn’t the Beach Boys move to Koko, MO? ;)

Do you have a social circle where you currently are? Is local social life important to you and wife?
What happens if you move there and the daughter decides to up and move somewhere else in the future?

My thoughts are that “newly single” isn’t always the best time to consider a move. I would guess there are a thousand Rollas in the US. Why this one? There is no harm in looking at property in Rolla and perhaps other places, but you don’t have to rush it.

Wait a year or two, see if she stays there and if she’s happy there. In the meantime, you didn’t say how far you live now from Rolla, but you can visit a few times, spend some long weekends, go with your wife, see how the citizens of the town treat you. Will you get weird glances or be sitting in restaurants without being waited on, or other hints? Do you feel warmly welcomed? Those things will be found out only when you visit and spend time there.

I’d wait a bit, unless moving there is very appealing even if your daughter didn’t live there. If my parents had moved to where I moved as a young adult and then thereafter followed me, they would have had to move at least six times in the last 35 years.

If you have concerns then at least wait and visit a few times. Go out to local restaurants, local events, see how you feel.

We have a few MO jellies! KNOWITALL and I think also seawulf. There might be a few others.

The Ozarks. That would be a huge incentive for me….it’s beautiful there. However. The cost of living is low as is housing costs and incomes. The poverty rate is high. You have to do your own research and, most importantly, spend some time there. The crime rate is a bit alarming too. A quarter of the population lives beneath the poverty line. It’s 83% white and 3% black. I got these number from city-data.com but they are a couple years old. Rolla is 106 miles from St. Louis which has one of the highest, if not the highest, crime rate in the country. I also will say following your children…...I wouldn’t.

MO is beautiful. Do it!

^^ We don’t know where he lives now. it might be just as beautiful.

Not sure Rolla is west enough to be in the Ozarks? It is beautiful in the Ozarks, but maybe the OP is already near the Ozarks.

KNOWITALL would be a good one to ask.

^^ I sent it to her right away

@JLeslie

https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-sSqESQNM_nc/WhPJdPAUluI/AAAAAAAAK1w/7PYcWBtxVFkEKzWTgVNTGgrQ1YRHdLVhACLcBGAs/w1200-h630-p-k-no-nu/Jim%2BCoombs%2BMSU%2BOzarks%2BMap.jpg

^^Thanks. I used to live near the Ozarks and I never knew they went that far east. Maybe I knew in 6th grade, but didn’t remember it.

It’s a college town an hour and a half from me along I44. Younger white population.

I don’t remember where you’re at but many Coasters retire here. Your money will buy you more here, too. We have the lowest funeral costs of the US at about $3k.
For outdoor sports we are comparable to Colorado, with lakes and great fishing.
If that sounds good to you, come on out.

The racial tension is more in the liberal areas not rural. My city is much smaller and has mixed couples, SS couples, black families, etc…

I just read you are retired and garden. This is a gardener’s paradise. I’d try to find a home with an atrium!
PM for more info anytime. I’m just down the road outside Springfield. There is ton of history, caves, golf courses, etc..to fill your time. The Civil War, Trail of Tears -it’s very rich in many ways.

Here’s another thought. If your daughter is facing a new situation and you and your wife are both retired, why not spend a week or two in the new town, helping her settle in and getting an idea of if it would work for you? Or even stay longer after her move.

@KNOWITALL I lived in South Greenfield on 5 acres for about 5 years. It’s 45 miles northwest of Springfield in the middle of nowhere. Pop. 124! ;D

@smudges Why did you leave? Where are you now?

@KNOWITALL Was my post not self-explanatory? LOL Kidding! Got a divorce, moved to Nebraska.

Why does your daughter want to live there? What is interesting there for you, aside from being near her?

@RocketGuy Good question. I often wonder why people people random cities. The military bases I understand, those people are smoking hot. :)

I would wait. She may get there and decide she made a mistake. Especially if she ends up not liking her job. At least, I’m assuming it’s for work. If it’s a small town she may have a hard time getting a better job and decide to move again. My daughter moved to California, then came back home and then we all moved and then she moved out and later married and moved to another state one hour away. She wants us to move near her but I like where I live. There are a ton of conveniences that let us stay pretty independent. The only problem is our home is a townhome but we are doing all we can to stay fit enough to keep going up and down the stairs. But everything from our dentist to doctors and groceries is within a mile of me and a hospital is 3 miles. Buses and cabs are accessible so we really don’t have to rely on family as we get older. At least not for now.

My point is if you are comfortable then stay till you know she is sure. But never move because someone wants you to. You will be miserable if you feel all alone as she makes a life for herself that won’t always include you, and you will resent her.

Small-town living means doctors and things will be further away and you may not be able to get a taxi to take you that distance without it costing an arm and a leg and she may not be able to take you to the doctor. Also means if you suffer a stroke or heart attack that you will probably die before getting proper medical attention.

@Pandora Rolla has a small hospital and population over 20k so it’s not that bad. :)

Would like to hear more from the OP about their thoughts.

Good reminder from @Pandora about the health care. A big consideration for me, for anywhere i live, would be the local health care. From where I live, if I need an ER, I can go ten minutes in one direction to a great ER, and ten minutes in another direction to another ER which I consider a shit one but in a pinch, it woulld have to do. I can go 15 or 20 minutes south and three other great hospitals, one hour to Yale and one and a half hours to NYC, if I needed ongoing treatment and the best doctors.

Often, I visit beautiful areas of the county and I fantasize about living there, but then I think about the health care. Even Cape Cod is gorgeous but they have a small hospital and it’s not someplace I would want to go for the best and latest treatment, if I had a critical illness. I don’t know what options are available close to Rolla, but it’s definitely something to think about.

St Louis has amazing hospitals like Barnes-Jewish 1.5 hour drive from Rolla, that are nationally ranked. And we have lots of Life Flight helicopters for more rural areas, so it’s not something we worry about.

Several are Christian or Baptist but those are options.

Agree that St. Louis has some great hospitals.Including some connected to universities. Might be a little bit of a trek from Rolla, but not outrageous.

Thanks for all the great answers so far!

It started out as just a random idea, and it’s only a thought exercise at this point. Daughter, in the course of conversation said something like, “If I were to move to Rolla, would you and Mom move with me?”

The distance between other family members and social circle…my wife and I already have friends and family nationwide that we keep in touch with, so that would be nothing new.

I knew where Rolla’s located, having passed through several times between Chicago and California, and we’d be fine, location-wise.

My wife is semi-bedridden, (temporarily we hope!) and I have a recently discovered heart condition, so availability of medical services is an important factor. We currently live in Aurora, Colorado, near the University of Colorado hospital and a brand new VA hospital (less than five years old).

One of the factors that sounds good is housing costs. If we were to sell our house in CO, we could get something similar in Rolla and end up with an extra $100,000 to $200,000 in the bank. and no mortgage! That fact by itself appeals to me!

Glad you stopped by to inform us, @Strauss! ;)