Is it rude to never tell a partner about my mental disorders?

Its intentionally deceptive, especially if contemplating marriage. Dating not so much of an issue.

Its intentionally deceptive to not allow people to use disorders to define me? I am not my disorder nor am I abusive or manipulative like people assume those with this disorder are. I want people to know that first before I tell them. Actions speak louder than words and all that.

I am open about depression, anxiety, and PTSD. Not the other thing.

Also, not arguing. If it comes off that way I am not. I am not asking for others to tell me what to do, just looking to figure that out myself by getting opinions.

I am in the dating scene with a significant disorder. It is not easy.

My post was worded improperly, I didn’t mean to say I am never telling someone. Sorry about that. Re-reading that is not what I meant. I meant I won’t tell them before we are committed***

I dont see any reason to tell a partner while dating either. My personal experiences with mental illness is that you need support. And a partner can’t help if they aren’t aware. Best of luck!

I get that. I would hate to make the other person feel like my caretaker is the other issue. Sorry if I came off too confrontational. Thank you. I am touchy on this.

edit: Goodjob on 30k

Not at all, my mom was bi-polar and had situational depression undiagnosed until she was 55 years old.
While the stigma is still there, i feel like more people are educated now. :)

Oh thanks, I hadnt noticed ha!

I agree with what @KNOWITALL said. Also, if you are dating someone on a serious level and you have an episode, they may be confused, whereas if they know ahead of time, they will know that this type of thing may occur, what to do about it, and they may anticipate it occurring if they know.

I love with diagnoses. I learned in therapy not to disclose them in the very early stages of dating. My therapists taught me to ease into them after some time has passed. They also taught me to talk about them in a light manner.

Often we think we have to disclose very seriously, but this can lead to the wrong impression that our illnesses are horrific. It’s called trauma dumping.

Yes, you should disclose, but you don’t have to do it very early on.

^^ Perfect

Also, I would not wait until we’re committed. That’s unfair to them.

I like the idea of not being so serious. Its not a one size fits all diagnoses so it doesn’t always mean the absolute worst.

Thank you Hawaii Jake.

I guess I can admit that once I am serious with someone I should tell them… prior to a serious committment like marriage. It just won’t be on my dating profile lol. Needs to wait a few weeks.

Your medical issues are your own business. You are under no obligation to tell anybody anything you don’t want to tell them.

Definitely not when you’re first dating, but if you begin a long-term, committed monogamous relationship then I think it’s important to be open and honest with each other.

It depends on the relationship you have with your partner. Keep it to yourself in the beginning stages. There is no need at this point. Get to know them and let them know you without sharing this is perfectly acceptable.
It also depends on how much it affects the nature of you being you.
I have been there. That said, there may come a time when you feel okay to share this.
That time is not right now for you.
Support is a key part of the therapy. I understand it is your personal medical situation and the time may not be right in your relationship.
Yet when they become important to your journey and share the same 4 walls, I think it’s important to let them know what you are going through. Vulnerability is not easy, but gets you to deeper levels.
I personally think full disclosure for a partner is important at some point. If they are there day to day, they will show their care. I know it’s scary, but take your time on this part.

Best wishes to you on your journey.

Personally, I would tell before the moving in stage if you are in a steady relationship.

He’ll probably figure it out eventually. I would tell him as soon as I thought we might be together for a long time. The longer you wait, the more likely the eventual discovery by him will cause devastating break in the relationship. Truth is the best road here.

It all depends on your agreement with your partner.
If you agree that diagnoses are private then fine.
On the reciprocal your partner can keep their diagnoses private too.

It took me a few days of thinking about your question. Then I remembered what I did. I had epilepsy. Out of all the guys I dated only two were totally okay with it, but the second one was a creep. Honestly I had hoped by tell him he would go away. The second person was my husband. Boyfriend really at the time. We had only dated 2 and had many phone conversations. We had gone clubbing and then stopped in Burger King in the morning for breakfast. That’s when I told him. He had questions and I answered them all. Keeping nothing quiet. I told him I would understand if he feels this is something he can’t handle and wants to break up with me. He asked why would I say that, and I told him other guys have broken up with me over it because they couldn’t handle that. He told me it was their lost and he wasn’t like other guys. I told him to give it some thought first and he said he didn’t need to think about it.
I told him because I didn’t want to take the chance of feeling really hurt later if he had rejected me after I was crazy in love. He also told me I didn’t need to feel embarrassed for something I had no control over. He asked me a lot of questions because he wanted to know what he should or shouldn’t do if I have a seizure while with him.

My point is that you don’t have control over your mental state without medications and therapy. It’s nothing to feel ashamed of, and it shows you care to prepare someone else for what may or may not happen. Also by not telling you internalize guilt and embarrassment.
My husband thought I was so cool for telling him and for him that made me look strong.

So, I know they are not the same thing, but not telling others can put me in danger and others as well and make me feel ashamed of something I had no control. This fall, we will have been together for 43 years.

My point is don’t let embarrassment control your life, and this is a fine way to separate the wheat from the chaff. There are few things we can control 100 percent.