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erikaziger's avatar

Do you know anyone who has had children and sincerely regretted it?

Asked by erikaziger (345points) April 30th, 2010
25 responses
“Great Question” (3points)

I have never met anyone who has admitted to this. I have met people who didn’t have kids and regretted it.

Have you or anyone you’ve known ever felt that the huge work and patience that goes into raising kids just wasn’t/isn’t worth it, so much that they regretted the choice to have kids?

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chyna's avatar

The lady that adopted a kid from Russia and sent him back.

Captain_Fantasy's avatar

Only the times I read the news stories about a crazy woman who killed her children.

poofandmook's avatar

There are millions of women who give birth and regret it for some time afterward… but that’s postpartum depression and it usually goes away, and that’s probably not what you meant. But the regret is common. It’s if it lasts that’s rare.

rpm_pseud0name's avatar

@chyna I think there may have been something wrong with that woman & not the child. So I am glad she ‘sent him back’ for I would hate to think what kind of life he would of had if he stayed with a mother who was that disturbed.

rpm_pseud0name's avatar

The most disturbing case of a mother regretting kids is the woman who drowned all 5 of her kids. When questioned, she said it was because she was a bad mother & needed to be punished.

Dr_Lawrence's avatar

There were moments when my life seemed to have turned to total crap when I might have entertained such feelings but I never really regretted having my children. I often felt I had chosen the wrong person for their mother. If I could have changed that and been able to have the exact same children, I believe their childhood and my life would have been so much better.

talljasperman's avatar

My father regretted having kids

artemis5200's avatar

I am a woman in my mid-40s. Never wanted children and luckily I never had any. I can’t say if I would regret if I had one, but I am thankful that I never did as I see it as a huge responsibility that I never wanted. My sister has a 4 year old and an 18 month old. I adore them and I adore giving them back to her after I babysit lol.

Pandora's avatar

According to my mom. She did. But she seems to enjoy the grand kids a bit more. But thats probably because she figures they aren’t her headache.

ratboy's avatar


escapedone7's avatar

Yes I do know people who have told me they had regrets. However their regrets did not have to do with having children altogether but rather the timing and circumstance. (i.e. they wish they hadn’t had kids so young, wish they’d gone to college first, wish they had gotten married first, etc.)

RedPowerLady's avatar

I don’t know anyone who has explicitly said so but I do know many women who act as much in how they “parent” their children. It is so sad and breaks my heart.

Kafka's avatar

It’s subjective, you can regret having kids because of circumstances, but to say that you regret having a child probably does not have to do with the direct relationship between parents and children, as humans quickly develop a sense of attachment.

SeventhSense's avatar

I have spilled many and regretted not one.

AstroChuck's avatar

My ex-wife has told my oldest daughter on more than one occasion that having her has ruined her life.

Supacase's avatar

@AstroChuck How awful for your daughter. :(

AstroChuck's avatar

My daughter tells me it didn’t really bother her but I know better. They’ve been estranged for a little while. Long story but the problem here is with my ex, not my daughter.

Supacase's avatar

My mom told me she probably should not have had children. She didn’t regret me and she loves me, she just doesn’t think she was cut out for motherhood Honestly, it isn’t one of her natural talents. and regrets some of the decisions she made raising me.

eden2eve's avatar

Sad to say, I do know women who regret having their children. Mostly, they just regret certain ones, for various reasons. Just because you become a mother, it doesn’t automatically make you unselfish.

I know a woman who had a child with many physical challenges from birth. She has suffered more in her life than any other person I know. The child was sweet and loving, and has grown up to be perhaps the most nearly perfect person I’ve ever known.

A few years ago, this mother stated to me that if she had known how hard it would be to raise this child, and could go back, she would have an abortion. This was stated at a time of relative lack of difficulty, not in the middle of some sort of problem, and totally out of context with any issues that were currently being experienced.

This was incomprehensible to me, because the world, and her family would be so much poorer for not having her in them. The most heartbreaking thing to me is that this child, now a woman, is suffering from an autoimmune disorder that is slowly killing her. I know that she knows she is not wanted on the deepest level, even though the parents have not overtly stated that to her. Well, I do remember one occasion many years ago when the child was going through some emotional issues due to the many physical hardships in her life, and her parents did tell her that she was ruining their lives. That was perhaps 30 years ago.

But she talks constantly about what a burden she has been to others, and wishes she could be done being alive. She even once said that she knows this autoimmune disease comes from feeling that she has caused such hardship to others.

The selfishness of this mother is hard for me to understand or forgive. Others think she’s a wonderful, loving mother, but, unfortunately, I have a very different perspective. I wish I didn’t know this, and believe, me, no one else who has any link to the family will ever hear it from me.

The_Inquisitor's avatar

@Dr_Lawrence, hearing that makes me sad. =(

@erik, but to answer your question… hmm, I don’t believe I have ever heard anybody say that, not anybody I personally knew anyways.

Kraigmo's avatar

Yes I’ve met lots of people who regret having children, but they still love their children.

susanc's avatar

I knew someone who raised two kids who belonged to another family because the other mother kept saying she hated them. My friend just quietly asked if the kids would like to come visit for awhile, and that became permanent; nothing was ever said by or to the hating parent, no papers were ever suggested. The kids did well in school, had friends, did their homework, helped with the dishes, played soccer, grew up and are fine. But ow.

Zen_Again's avatar

On the “worst” days with ‘em, I still can’t imagine life without my kids.

Coloma's avatar

I am an only of an only and I had an only daughter. A long and distinguished line of onlies here. lol

I adore my daughter, she’s a chip off the old mother spark, but I wasn’t cut out to give birth more than once. haha

I cherished her childhood ( she is 22 now ) and we are best friends in her adulthood.

Infact…just got back from taking her out for chinese food and some comedy central at her place, now her boyfriends on his way over. lol

One was just right for me, no regrets, but glad she wasn’t twins or triplets!

Neizvestnaya's avatar

I’ve known a few, mostly men. Usually the story is they find out the gf is pregnant, she keeps the baby and they accept it and go on with life from there. A few of them got married because of the baby and then kept on getting pregnant. I have to laugh at the guys who say they didn’t want any of their kids, like they were so proactive in preventing them. Whatever.

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