I talk to family and friends. I try to show mercy and grace. I internalize blame in my self and take responsibility for my beliefs and walk away.

So you destress by relying on others, what would happen if you couldn’t reach them?

@SQUEEKY2 then I stay at home until it goes away and eat comfort food. I also use the ” is it worth 5 years in jail for” mantra .

I would not call a few hours in the Agony Booth “harm”.
More like “healthy discipline”.

Like usual @ragingloli I have no idea what your talking about.
What is an Agony booth??

@SQUEEKY2 The agony booth is a Star Trek nasty torture device that adapts to ones brain in a way that the mind can’t adapt or go numb to . It is basicaly a tube or booth where people get continuous pain and agony as punishment for insubordination or discipline

Interesting story.

A few weeks ago, I threw a guy out of a venue I was working. As most do, he cursed me out, and threatened me, but left. An hour later he returned to try and get his jacket he apparently left. He was much more calm, and seemed like he was no longer belligerent. It was cold, so I told him I would walk with him to find his jacket, as long as he left when we found it. He agreed.
One of my other bouncers came with us. After a brief search, it became apparent that he was too drunk to find it, so I told him to just leave. I eventually had to restrain him, and pulled him through the crowd to the front door. When we got into the doorway, I loosened my grip to let him walk. That’s when he suckered punched me. I saw it coming, but I couldn’t dodge it in the small doorway, so I turned my head and took it in my left ear. I pushed him out of the door, and then the other bouncer and I restrained him. I was unfazed by his blow, but my ear hurt from being crunched between his fist and my head. I was livid. When we turned him loose, he squared up to me. I was considering multiple things I could do to him. I could arrest him. I could slam him on the ground, or knock his teeth out etc. He was very drunk though. I was afraid that if I engaged him, I would probably hurt him badly or kill him. I didn’t want to do paperwork either, so I didn’t arrest him. He eventually walked off and got in an Uber cab.

A week later, he returned. I threw him put again. This time there were several cops outside, and several of my guys. Surrounded, he didn’t put up much fight, but he was really mad, and drunk. An Uber cab pulled up, just when we were about to arrest him. We decided to let him go. I turned to one of my other officers, and said “he’s gonna get his ass kicked, just not by me.”

The next night, we heard from a nurse at the closest ER, that the guy had an interesting night after our fun. Apparently he got into an argument with the Uber driver, and ended up trying to choke him. The driver had a large metal flash light near him, and beat the guy almost unconscious. He then took the guy to the ER. Cops struggled to remove him from the car. When they were taking him in for treatment, he got belligerent again. He dared the cops to tazzer him. Well. They didn’t. But they smashed his face into the curb while taking him down.

He went to jail, after his multiple head wounds were treated. It was a Saturday night. So he stayed in jail until at least Monday afternoon. I assume he made lots of friends there with his winning attitude.

I wanted to hurt him, like he tried to hurt me. But I didn’t. My self control was rewarded with knowledge that he did get what was coming to him. And I didn’t have to get my hands dirty, or do any paperwork, or have to go to court.

Karma baby…

Self control. It’s possible. It’s the best option.

it’s not in my nature.

As much as I might want to, I consider the consequences. To leave that person as-is, is a better punishment for them than being harmed. And maybe somebody else will do the deed for me, saving me the trouble…

To this point no one has done anything to me or mine that warrants their death. I do leave the option open however.

note, my anger is more the cold, calculating kind, not the hot blooded act first, think later kind

Restraining orders mostly…

Answer: I was taught from a very early age that hitting is wrong, so I suppose those values stuck with me.

Never been in a fight in my entire life, or jail- but my family believed in corporal punishment, so if I was being bad I got spanked.

I don’t feel the need or the compulsion. It just never occurs to me.

Who says I didn’t? What have you been told? What can you prove? Is the evidence admissible? I want my attorney.

I don’t have the abilities that scanners do.

It’s not in my nature either.

I guess there’s two types of angry for me. There’s where you’re actually angry about something, like a disagreement, someone’s driving, or someone trying to get a rise out of you, and that’s pretty tough to get me angry enough to where I actually want to harm someone.

But then there’s that rage where it’s just a reaction to something that’s been done. Like when you get hit in the face, or someone says something inappropriate about your kids. The only thing that keeps me from hurting people (or intending to) is how long it takes to actually get to them versus how quickly I realize what I’m doing.

I don’t want to be angry and I don’t want to hurt anyone. So it goes away pretty quickly now.

I was surprised when I found out that rage inside isn’t universal though, I just figured everyone had that in them.

Interesting, @funkdaddy! That you were surprised that rage isn’t universal. I mean, everyone can become enraged, but some people live their whole lives being angry. Sometimes I think Rick only has two emotions: Angry and Not Angry. He’s gotten a lot better over the years, though.

@Dutchess Why is that? Whats he angry about?

^It may be a testosterone thing. We have it. Obviously women don’t.

@MrGrimm888 Oh, don’t know about that….......... There are times you don’t want to cross them. Especially the ones from Texas

Doing harm to those who hurt you does not need to be physical.

Women have testosterone.

^^ I recall seeing something along the line of “Hey you men who think a womans place is in the kitchen need to remember that that is where all the knives are kept”. I do keep that in mind.

as well as the bleach.

@KNOWITALL I think that is just they way he was raised to respond to everything. I’m pretty sure it’s learned behavior. That’s he’s been quite successful in unlearning, actually. I’ve flat out told him in the past, “You know, there are other emotions besides anger. There is frustration, confusion, annoyance. You don’t have to respond to every mildly negative thing in your life with rage!” He hears me. I mean, at the moment he gets mad because it’s a “criticism,” which he doesn’t respond to well at all. But then his behavior started changing. Like, he’d go looking for a specific movie on Netflix, then become very angry when it isn’t there.
Then, at another time, I go looking for a specific movie and I’ll say, “Shucks. They don’t have it.” and I’ll move on. Then I’d say, “Look at that! I didn’t even get angry!” And he has changed.
That’s something I like about him. He is teachable. And I think he’s a lot happier now.

@Dutchess Sounds tough but good for yoy both for evolving!